


Calm in the Eye of the Storm

by LucindaAM



Category: Marvel
Genre: 1920’s slang, Angst, Bucky is a teddy bear really, Cute, Doesn’t know what all she can do, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hive (Marvel) - Freeform, Hydra (Marvel), I pick and choose, Implied/Referenced Torture, Let’s get some spy work up in here, Love Story, Mild Language, Nat as a mom, No Smut, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Reader has some powers, Slow Burn, Some of it’s cannon, Some of it’s not, When will they catch a break, finished work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-08-20 17:37:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 40,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20231743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucindaAM/pseuds/LucindaAM
Summary: A year after the events of endgame, reader is learning to adjust to her new life. She's just recently become one of the newest members of the newly re-formed Avengers and is excited to honor the memory of her mother, the Black Widow.But not everything is as it seems.Will she be able to help the Winter Soldier and Falcon save the world? Or will she lose herself along the way?





	1. In which the protagonist is introduced . . . Quickly

**Author's Note:**

> Short chapter this time around. Had a hard time splitting up a chapter later on down the road so a few of the earlier chapters suffered a little bit.
> 
> This is a new fic! Hoping to post daily.

After years of training and, lets be honest, begging - it was finally my first day as a fully-fledged member of the newly reformed Avengers. So much had changed since that fateful battle nearly a year ago between the good of this word and the evil of Thanos. But I’d survived. I couldn’t claim to have thrived, but I’d survived. And for awhile there, that had been the hardest thing.

Not everyone had survived though.

My heard squeezed tightly in my chest as I remembered those who hadn’t. Especially Nat. She’d become a mother to me after my grandfather died. She’d been my rock, my mentor. She’d been there for me since the beginning really. She’d even been there during the dark times. After my world had been completely altered . . . After HYDRA.

A bitter laugh escaped my lips as I recalled those early days after HYDRA had first taken me. The sound in the otherwise quiet hallway shook me from my melancholy thoughts. Nat hadn’t taught me to dwell on ghosts of the past. They couldn’t hurt me now anyway. She would have wanted me to move on. I glanced up at the ceiling, my hand over my heart. Just for you Nat. I would try.

I took a deep breath, plastered a casual (or at least I hoped it looked casual) smile on my face and got ready to meet the rest of the team. Sam had told me that we would be meeting at 0900 sharp. I checked my watch. I still had twenty minutes. My smile suddenly became a lot more genuine. I could do a LOT in twenty minutes. My eyes turned upwards once again to find a conveniently placed air vent right above me. A lot indeed.


	2. In which the rest of the team is introduced . . . Longly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Two!

“Come on Barnes.” Sam was saying to the stoic Solider beside him. I’d known, of course, that James Buchanan Barnes was going to be one of the co-captains of the team, but it was another thing entirely to see him face to . . . Well . . . air vent I guess. I was going to be working with the Winter Soldier. A thrill of excitement raced through my body. Nat had been a good teacher. She’d been the best really, of all the Avengers. (Not that I was biased). But even my mother figure had felt there was much to learn from the ex-HYDRA assassin. I was excited to find out if that was true. 

“I know it’s been a hard adjustment since Steve left.” Sam continued, oblivious to the extra pair of ears in the room. “But we’ve got this. You know it’s what he wanted right? For us to continue the legacy man. We’ve got a moral obligation to help people. And we can’t do it alone.”

“We could.” Bucky said confidently. Sam shook his head.

“Not this time man. You know as well as I do that we’ve got to do this. It’s our best bet. Steve didn’t go to all the trouble of warning us about this problem if he didn’t want us to do something about it. Hill was right. We need to do something, and a problem this big . . . Well it needs a big solution.”

My ears perked up. What kind of problem did we have? And why was Hill so invested in it?

Sam paused and seemed to be taking in the expression on the face of the Solider. I leaned in closer but it was pointless. Barnes’ face was angled in just such a way that I couldn’t see his expression. Briefly, I wondered if he somehow knew I was there and was doing it on purpose.

“I know that look.” Sam sighed. “That’s the ‘I don’t need a team, I can go it alone’ look.” He paused and seemed to be looking for the right words. “You know why the original Avengers were so successful even when the chips were down? They had each other’s backs. They didn’t always agree but they always had each other’s backs. They were a team. If we want to be even half as successful as they were, we need a team of our own. And you know that brute strength isn’t gonna cut it this time. Not with this problem. We need a little more finesse.

“Just trust me man. You’ll still get to throw punches to your hearts content. We just need to make sure that we’re throwing them at the right people.”

Bucky lifted a single, rather rude finger in the direction of Sam’s face and moved to take a seat in the large conference room. I choked back a laugh. I liked him.

Sam shook his head. “Real mature man.” He straightened his uniform quickly and then took up an intimidating pose at the front of the room. “Alright FRIDAY.” He said. “Can you send in the team please?”

“On their way.”

I rested my forehead against the vent grate as the doors swung open and my teammates . . . Now there was an odd thought . . . Teammates . . . Began filing into the room. This was the first time we were being introduced in a formal capacity. True, I had snuck into Sam’s room the night before and read each and everyone’s files. But there was so much more information to be gleaned from an in person interrogation than could ever be gleaned from the two dimensional files that SHIELD kept on everyone. What I had learned last night was that I was going to be working with several inhumans with a wide range of abilities. I had already begun planning strategies for some of them.

Sam wasted no time in starting off the meeting. “Hello everyone and welcome to the newly formed Avengers team. Each of you has been selected because of what you personally can bring to this team. We have big shoes to fill.” He paused for a moment and made eye contact with everyone in the room as he drove home the point. No one was prouder to be an Avenger than the Falcon himself.

“Today is history in the making,” he continued. “I expect each of you recognize the privilege it is to be a part of this team. These people are going to be your eyes and ears. Each of them has been trained and chosen because of the trust that we have in each of you.

“Lets get one thing clear right off the bat. To be a team, we have to live and breathe teamwork and trust. For me, that means that whatever you do in your personal life . . . Well . . . That’s up to you. But if it starts to mess with the dynamics of this team, then it becomes my business. Is that understood?”

Everyone in the room nodded solemnly. “Good. Now, each of you will be receiving a file later this evening curtesy of FRIDAY. In the file you will find information about each of your new teammates and what they bring to the table. That will be your homework for tonight. I expect each of you to get to know the ins and outs of each other’s abilities. We will start training first thing tomorrow morning to find ways to incorporate your powers into a solid fighting force. Until then, however, I think it would be a good idea to go around the table and introduce ourselves.” There was a loud chorus of groans from everyone at the table. Sam held up his hands in surrender. “I know. I know. It’s a little cliche, but cliches exists for a reason people. So we’re doing this. Please state your name, your power if you have one, and what your role on the team will be.”

He looked to the man sitting on his right expectantly. “My name is Martin Matthews.” I took an immediate dislike to this man. He was all cock and attitude. He smiled cockily at Gale. They were clearly acquainted. “My power is my superior intellect and mechanical know-how. I’m going to be your eyes, ears and savior behind the scenes. I’m one of the worlds fastest hackers and I’ve built tech that rivals that of the late Tony Stark himself.”

My lips curled in distaste. Yup. Did not like this one. I wasn’t the only one. There were uneasy murmurs around the table and Sam crossed his arms at the head of it. “Yo . . .” He started but was immediately interrupted. From the back of the room, almost completely hidden away in the shadows, a man stepped forth clad entirely in red, white and blue iron armor.

“Really? You’ve built something that can go up against the iron patriot armor the late Tony Stark himself built?” Rhodey asked scathingly. I got an immense sense of satisfaction as Martin paled a tiny bit. Sadly he didn’t wither away altogether. Instead he forced the cocky smile back to his lips and with more confidence then he was clearly feeling said; “I sure think so.”

Rhodey stared him down, death in his eyes. “Careful what you wish for son.” He said finally. “Tony Stark had more tricks up his sleeve than a kid like you could ever have.” He glanced at Sam and Bucky. “Well, since I’m already standing, I might as well introduce myself. I’m James Rhodes. My friends call me Rhodey. I’m the iron patriot and a good friend of Tony Stark. Sam and Mr. Barnes over there asked me to join your little ragtag group of kids as backup. I’ll be helping out when I can get away from my other responsibilities.” He glanced around the room, his eyes lingering on Mr. Martin Matthews once again. “This should be fun.” He said under his breath.

He moved to sit down at the opposite end of the table, lightly tapping the shoulder of a pale, skinny girl sitting next to Martin as he did so. “You’re up kid.” He said.

The small slip of a girl stood up and seemed to hold herself as she spoke. “My name is Gale Withers.” she began. She was speaking so quietly, I had to lie practically on top of the grate to hear anything at all. “I’m inhuman. I can create portals.” She held her hands open and immediately two portals opened. One to her left and one in front of Sam. She reached her hand in the one closest to herself and shook Sam’s hand. Impressive.

“They aren’t very stable.” She said as she quickly extracted her hand from the portal before it disappeared altogether. “And they’re never bigger than that. But I hope with practice I can eventually get them large enough to fit an entire person through.”

“Can you open a portal to a location apart from you? Or do you have to be in the same room?” Rhodey asked from the end of the table.

Gale shook her head. “Not so far.”

Rhodey nodded.

“Jackie?” Prompted Sam.

Jackie stood next to Gale. “I’m Jackie. I can quick heal. I can quickly do a lot of things.” He said running around the room once before coming to a stop at his seat again. He’d just been a blur of color as he’d done so. I smiled. He was going to be fun to play with. “I think my official title is ‘retrieval specialist’. I’m excited to find out exactly what that entails.”

“How long you been with SHIELD kid?” Asked Rhodey.

“This is my first assignment out of training.”

Rhodey nodded thoughtfully. “You’ll be a professional in no time. I have a lot of ideas about how to break you in.” Jackie smiled.

“I’m Chloe Fernandez.” said the next girl. She had a slight accent. Nothing anyone would normally notice. But then again, I wasn't normal. “I can give people strong hallucinations if I come into contact with their skin.”

Jackie and Rhodey shifted the slightest bit away from the girl as she spoke. I laughed silently. “Don’t worry.” She said, rolling her eyes. “I have to want to give you hallucinations.”

“So you have control over when and what?” Rhodey asked. If I didn’t know better, I would say that Rhodey was conducting a bit of an interrogation in the room. Ignored the rest of Chloe’s explanation I pondered that. I could read about her in the homework tonight. Besides, I already knew that she was the most in control of her powers of everyone sitting at the table. My big question was what was Rhodey doing? It was obvious even in his laid back stance that he was looking for something. But what? It didn’t escape my notice either that Sam and Bucky were paying a LOT of attention to each of the inhumans as they spoke. I also noticed the loaded glances that the three senior members of the team were shooting each other. I did NOT like being left in the dark. I rubbed my hands together. Nothing like the smell of intrigue in the morning.

I tuned back into the conversation below me. “. . . And that’s why I was recruited.” Finished the man sitting to Rhodey’s right. I knew from the files I’d read last night who he was. Gabe Bryant. He was supposedly able to ‘leap whole buildings in a single bound.’ Whatever that meant. Seemed like a useless power to me. But what did I know? I STILL wasn’t sure what it was that I could do. My power seemed to be constantly changing. Freaking HYDRA. Couldn’t do anything right. Suddenly, and without any warning, I sneezed. I managed to stifle it but not enough. I glanced down and sure enough, Rhodey was looking questioningly at the air vent. Sam followed his gaze with a suspicious one of his own. I froze, waiting for them to look away. Gabe and the rest of the new team were none the wiser.

“What about you, sir?” Gabe asked jestingly as he looked to his right. Sam and Rhodey’s gazes immediately turned to the hulking man beside Gabe. I let out a sigh of relief.

“Bear.” Said Bear. There was silence as everyone waited for him to continue. When it became apparent that he was not going to, Sam spoke.

“Okaaaay . . .” He began glancing around the room with narrowed eyes. “And lastly . . .” He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking up at the air vent expectantly.

Time for my grand entrance. I pushed the grate open and fell awkwardly into the empty chair between Bear and Bucky. I felt the hulking man tense at my sudden appearance, but I put a hand on his arm and he immediately relaxed. Aww. He was just a big teddy bear. The Winter Soldier, however, barely batted an eye. “And lastly, you have me. Y/N.” I said, with a flourish, propping my feet on the table. Granted, one of my legs had landed awkwardly on the table when I’d fallen. But I managed to make it look casual and dare I say, purposeful when I casually added the other. “No powers as of yet.” I lied. “But I don’t quite need them. I’ll be your intellegencer for the duration of your stay here.”

I looked around the table, taking in the various stares of the new team. Some looked surprised, others in awe, others still showed no marked expression at all. And then there was Rhodey. He was smiling fondly at me from the end of the table. I smiled back. Rhodey and Nat had been close towards the end. We knew each other well.

“You mean a spy.” Martin interrupted, almost spitting the word.” I turned to face him. His lips were turned up into a sneer even though only moments before, he’d been one of the ones surprised by my sudden entrance.

I stared at him quietly for a moment. Was it just my imagination? Or was he beginning to cower a little bit? “You could say that.” I finally said, leaning further back in my chair. I kept my body language casual. My hand slipped from Bear’s arm to cross over my stomach, hiding the more purposeful movement of my right hand as it slid down my hip to the blade strapped to my thigh. “But I wouldn’t if I were you. Spy has such a . . . Negative connotation. It implies that I watch people doing stuff that they shouldn’t be doing when they think they are alone.” My smile turned threatening as my fingers curled around the hilt of the dagger. He was definitely cowering. I was just about to pull the blade from its sheath when I felt Bucky’s fingers wrap around my own. It took every ounce of training I had not to fall out of my chair at the unexpected contact.

We had a silent tug of war over the blade for what seemed like entire minutes but was probably just a few seconds before I relaxed my hand, shot one last paralyzing smile at the brat, and turned my attention back to Sam.

If anyone else noticed the silent exchange, no one said anything. In fact, Sam continued as though nothing had happened.

“And, of course, everyone knows myself and Bucky Barnes, greatest hero of his generation.”


	3. In which a little idiot gets an attitude adjustment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever write a character you just want to punch in the face?

“And, of course, everyone knows myself and Bucky Barnes, greatest hero of his generation.” Sam said, nodding at Bucky.

“I think you’ll find that moniker belongs to Captain America.” Martin said condescendingly. “Everyone knows that the Winter Solider was nothing more than a HYDRA lapdog until Steve Rogers saved him.”

This time it was my hand that stopped the solider from pulling my blade from my thigh sheath. I didn’t have to look at him to know his eyes were burning into Martin’s ugly face. Seriously?! Why in the nine realms of Asgardian lore had Sam hired this guy?!

Sam’s smile looked a little forced when he responded, his eyes taking on a hard look. “If you’re so confident that Barnes here was only a ‘HYDRA lap-dog’, why don’t you go a round with the Winter Soldier?

You’d have had to be an absolute idiot not to hear the threatening tones in Sam’s voice. But apparently, Martin was that idiot. Superior intellect my foot. “Sure. I could always give it a go.” Martin said, cocking his head from side to side as he stood up. “Unless you don’t think you could handle it . . . Old Man.”

Bucky relaxed the hand that was still gripping my blade and just nodded. “Let’s see what you’ve got. Whippersnapper.” He glanced at Sam. “We can always do a few rounds of sparring today to see what everyone’s got before we really get started tomorrow.”

Sam was looking at the ceiling as though begging for patience. “Might as well.” He finally said. “Alright everyone. Let’s give you the grand tour.”

“And lastly . . . We have the Training Room. This is where we are going to be spending the majority of our time for the next few weeks. We need to find out how best to combine your powers and see what kind of damage we can do as a team. It’s also where you will get your asses handed back to you time and time again.”

We all followed Sam into the Training Room. For the most part, the rather large room was completely void of anything. I knew from sneaking in here as often as I had, that the entire room was covered in a squishy padding Stark had invented to absorb blows as much as possible. I also knew that if you hit just the right combination of buttons and switches on the right wall; traps, drones, spinning wheels of deaths, lasers and all other manner of death traps would pop from the ceiling, walls and floor and rain holy destruction upon you. That had been a less-than-fun week in the infirmary.

Bucky ignored Sam’s detailed explanation of the purpose of the training room and marched to the center of the floor. His eyes flicked to Martin, the little idiot, before motioning him with his hand.

I folded my arms across my chest and settled in for the train wreck waiting to happen.

Martin sauntered up to Bucky as though he hadn’t a care in the world. The little idiot should be trembling. I’d seen what Bucky was capable of during training back when the original Avengers were around. More than once, Nat had stumbled home bruised and a little broken from just training with Bucky. And he’d liked Nat. This was going to be a slaughter. James Buchanan Barnes took no prisoners.

Bucky and Martin stood across from each other. Bucky’s eyes gave nothing away. Martin’s eyes gave it all away. It was therefore no surprise to anyone with even an ounce of training when Martin struck first, punching the air where Bucky’s face had been only moments before. Martin flailed for a moment, and briefly I thought he was going to face-plant into the mat. Sadly, he managed to roll into his sudden lack of balance at the last possible moment and pop up a way away from his sparring partner. Grudgingly, I had to admit he deserved a point for that move. It was not an easy move to master. I rolled my eyes though, when almost immediately after winning his point, he lost it when he once again attacked in the same ill-advised way to achieve the same results.

Punch after punch was served from Martin with not a single one connecting to Bucky. Bucky, to my curiosity, was completely on the defensive. Never once moving to strike the little idiot, only avoiding Martin’s strikes.

Three minutes in and Martin was panting heavily. He’d clearly been recruited to sit behind computers. Not to face off against enemies. This brought another smile to my face. Less field time meant less time I’d have to deal with the imbecile one on one.

Martin eyed Bucky wearily from his corner of the mat. Bucky, who hadn’t even broken a sweat yet, eyed him stonily back. For a time, they just stared at each other. Silently daring the other to make the next move. And then suddenly Martin let out a weak sounding war cry and threw himself at Bucky’s immovable form. Bucky quickly, but easily stepped to the side, held his metal arm out and let the little idiot run right into the thick metal, effectively knocking himself out.

For a moment we all stared at the scene before us. I leaned to the person on my left and stage whispered, “Is he dead?” I looked up to find Bear’s fathomless eyes staring back at me. He grunted in response before looking back at Martin’s prone form.

Bucky bent over and poked Martin in the face. There was no response. “He’d better not be.” Called Sam, marching over to Bucky.

Rhodey followed. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. The Iron Giant over there’s done that move a hundred times. No one’s died yet.”

Gale let out a squeak behind me and pushed forward, rushing to Martin’s side as Rhodey kicked him impatiently in the side. “Give him a few minutes. He’ll be fine. It’s a good lesson for the cocky bastard regardless.”

He looked up and met my eyes at that. We shared another smile. Not the first time I’d heard that coming out of his mouth. If I was remembering correctly, the last time had been when he’d accidentally broken my arm with his big metal shoe. I believe the lesson was ‘look where other people are walking.’

Gale threw herself down at Martin’s side and gently held his head, whispering soft nothings into his ear. I sighed and glanced at the ceiling. Great. Nothing like a love sick idiot following around an actual idiot. Those two were going to be nothing but liabilities.

Sam sighed again and shook his head, looking at Rhodey. “We’ve got our work cut out for us man.” He said quietly. It was obvious he hadn’t wanted anyone else to hear that. “I don’t know how we’re going to pull this one off.” Rhodey rested a hand on his shoulder.

“It’ll work out. It always does. And in the meantime, don’t forget the real assets on the team. You two really aren’t alone in all this.” Rhodey nodded in my direction and for the briefest of moments Sam’s gaze met my own.

What on earth was going on here? And why did I feel like I’d just been recruited for a top secret mission on top of my already top secret mission as a new member of the Avengers?

Sam didn’t give me any time to ponder it out. “Alright team.” He said as Rhodey bent down and picked Martin’s unconscious body off the mat, a distraught Gale trailing behind. “Since we’re all here, we might as well see what else we’ve got. Any volunteers? Who else wants to go up against the Winter Soldier himself?”

Without hesitating, I stepped forward, excitement racing through my chest. True, I’d lived in the tower off and on for the past nine years, and true, I’d seen my fair share of sparring matches; even participated in a few myself. But I’d never once had the opportunity to go against the Winter Soldier. And I’d been absolutely dying to. Nat had taught me everything I knew about being a warrior. In a weird sense, going against one of the greatest fighting machines ever created in man’s distorted image was a way of honoring her. It didn’t hurt that it had become a running gag among the lower level SHIELD employees that no one could stand against Bucky for long. The best record to date of anyone who wasn’t actually an Avenger was just two minutes and thirty-three seconds. I aimed to double it.

I wasn’t a fool like the little idiot. I fully expected my butt to get handed back to me. I wasn’t interested in taking him down entirely. I just wanted to prove to myself and to the memory of the closest thing I had to a mother that I was worthy to fill her role in the new Avengers.

Sam and Bucky shared another silent communication before Sam finally nodded at me. “Y/N it is.” He said, passing me to go stand with the others. “Good luck.”


	4. In which you surprises everyone (Including yourself)

I walked up to the center mat and stretched my arms above my head. Bucky eyed me the same way he’d eyed Martin. Stoically. Not giving a thing away. But I could work with that. The trick with emotionless facades was to surprise the person you were facing juuuuust enough that their walls dropped, and you could read them like a book; but not so much that they jumped into muscle-memory action and became too hard to take down.

I swept my legs into fighting stance, keeping them shoulder width apart and putting my weight on the balls of my feet so I could move at a moment's notice if necessary. Then I brought my hands up in a defensive pose. I watched as Bucky mirrored my positioning. I willed my heart to slow just as Nat had taught me. I had maybe a moment to prepare.

Without warning, Bucky dropped his hands and charged me. Letting instinct take over, I threw myself to the side and rolled up into another fighting stance. His lips twitched in a barely there semblance of a smile and he nodded as though conceding the point before he charged me again. This time I threw myself in the other direction. Instead of curling into a ball and popping up into an attack stance, I threw myself flat on the mat before rolling sideways to get away as one of his feet kicked the air above my head. He came after me quickly so I abruptly changed the direction of my awkward burrito roll and ran into his legs with as much force as I could muster. He lost his balance just long enough for me to roll to the other side of the mat and awkwardly rise to my feet. I thought I heard the word, ‘impressive’, whispered from where the others were standing but I didn’t give it another thought. My full focus needed to be in this fight, or I was never going to survive.

Bucky and I circled each other. His hands were stretched out on either side of him as though he could just step forward and pick me up. My fists were balled in front of me, held out as though we were boxing. He took a step toward and I danced away, both of us waiting for the other to strike next. I needed that element of surprise dang it. And I needed it now. I wasn’t used to not being able to read my enemies.

Various maneuvers that Nat and Clint had taught me for taking out an enemy that clearly had the advantage, rushed through my head. Finally, I settled on one. It was risky because I needed him to move exactly the way I wanted him to, but I’d seen him in enough sparring sessions to feel confident that he would.

Without warning, I dropped my arms and charged him much like he had charged me the first time. I noted smugly the hint of surprise in his eyes as I moved . . . Perhaps a little faster than a normal human would but not nearly as fast as Jackie could move. Anticipating that I was going to try to tackle him, he bent his knees just enough to plant himself more firmly where he was standing and opened his arms wider to pin me to his chest.

Exactly what I’d hoped he do.

Time seemed to slow down in the next few seconds as I put my plan into action. Just as I neared him and his arms started closing, I pushed myself off the mat, planted one foot on his slightly bent knee, propped one of my hands on his shoulders and pushed off with as much strength as I could muster. Once in the air, I reached my free hand into one of the pouches on my belt, pulled a tiny circular magnet out of it and slapped it on his metal arm. To distract him from what I was doing with the magnet, and also because . . . Well . . . I was feeling a little bit cocky, I pressed a kiss to his forehead as I reached the peak of my flip.

His eyes widened, utterly shocked beyond reason.

Time seemed to speed up to normal parameters as I completed my flip, landing just behind him. I stood up quickly and spun around, the magnet’s button already in my hand. He moved to grab me again, but I just smiled knowingly. That seemed to stop him in his tracks. He glanced at my hand and saw the button just as I pressed it.

There was no big flashy lights or threatening boom when I pressed the button. Just the faint sound of a power source powering down, and the clang of metal as Bucky’s metal arm completely seized up, all power drained. Everyone’s eyes moved to the now useless metal lump of an arm before looking back up at me. Bucky’s eyes met mine slowly and for a brief second I saw the world there. Respect, admiration and . . . Something else that I didn’t quite recognize before a smile that would have been more at home on the face of Loki, God of Mischief himself, slowly spread across his face. “You fight dirty.” He said as he took a menacing step towards me.

I took a step back. What had been part two of that genius plan again? He took another step towards me and rotated the arm from its metal tethers, before dropping the useless weight on the floor. I took another step back. I’d really done it this time.

All pretenses of training and any thought of him taking it easy on me were thrown right out the window as he once again charged me. I’d used up all my immediately accessible elements of surprise. There was no way to duck and roll my way out of this one. I dropped the magnet’s button on the floor and ran to meet him.

Blow after blow rained down on me. Even with just one arm, he was still a far superior warrior. Mom hadn’t lied about that. I managed to deflect most of the blows, but a few made it through my weakening defenses. The ones he landed hurt. I was going to be black and blue tomorrow morning. On the bright side, at least I’d eliminated the metal arm from the equation. As much as his flesh and blood fist hurt, the metal arm would have done some serious damage.

I did my best to throw my own weight back at him whenever I got the chance, a few blows even landed hard enough to make him grunt a little. (That’s right Winter Solider. We’ll see who else is a little sore in the morning)! But it was still like throwing sand at an ocean. No matter how much I threw, there wasn’t ever enough to change the tides in my favor.

Finally, he managed to kick my legs out from under me. I ignored the dramatic popping sound my knee made as I fell, and immediately tried to push myself back up. Bucky immediately pushed me back into the mat and settled his weight on me, straddling my hips and sitting on my thighs as he used his arms to capture my arms above my head. Sweat kept my hair plastered to my face but I smugly noticed I wasn’t the only one who’d broken a sweat. 

Breathing heavily, my eyes moved from the sweat clinging to his temples, across the forehead I’d just kissed, and down to his eyes. A plethora of emotions seemed to cross those eyes. Most prominent was that same unidentifiable emotion from before. Then the mask slammed back into place and he was staring stoically at me once again.

I opened my mouth to ask about it, when a slow clap reached my ears and suddenly, I remembered we weren’t alone. At the same moment, I also became uncomfortably aware at just how close the Winter Soldier and I were. He seemed to notice too because he practically sprung off me, before holding a hand out to help me to my feet.

I took his hand in mine and tried to stand before collapsing on the floor. Right. The popping sound. I’d forgotten about that. Before anyone could comment, I pulled my hand from Bucky’s grasp, reached down and pushed my knee back into its socket in one quick motion. The clapping stopped altogether at that point.

I let out a shaky breath and a grunt. Forgot how much that hurt. Then I reached up and took Bucky’s hand again. His eyes were staring in shock at my knee. That was what? . . . The third time today I’d shocked him? Not too shabby.

He pulled me up and I met the shocked glances of everyone else in the room. Well, not everyone. Bear was just nodding at me, emotionless as always. I didn’t know why, but I really liked him. And Martin was glaring at me with a surprising amount of hatred burning in his cold dead eyes. The little idiot probably felt embarrassed that such a nobody had succeeded where he’d failed. Or maybe he just resented that a woman had. He seemed the type.

Finally, my eyes met Sam’s. He was smiling like a proud parent, though it looked a little more forced than necessary. Probably the knee popping had shook him. Rhodey was smiling boldly and didn’t hesitate to march up to me and sweep me into a hug. “Six minutes, three seconds.” He said to me quietly. Clearly this was for my ears only. “You did good kid. She’d have been proud.” A weight I didn’t know I’d been carrying seemed to lift from my shoulders and I relaxed into his embrace.

“Thanks Rhodey.” I whispered.


	5. In which life stories are revealed

“Alright Rhodey. Let the lady breathe.” Sam said, interrupting our moment. “She’s earned it.” I laughed and pulled away. My knee was aching, it hurt to breathe, and my wrist felt sprained. But it had been worth it. “That was nice work Sparky.” Sam said smiling at me. I rolled my eyes at the pet name. “I don’t remember saying that you could use any weapons though.” 

I grinned.

“You didn’t say we couldn’t.” I pointed out. “Besides, it wasn’t a weapon.” I limped over to my abandoned button, relieved to see it still in one piece. Then I hobbled over to the metal arm, still lying where Bucky had left it. I pushed the button again and the small magnet detached. I picked it up and held it up for examination. “It’s just an innocent little electromagnet.” I smiled. Rhodey laughed loudly.

“You’d never use that on me now would you?”

I placed the little circle back in my belt pouch and held a hand to my chest in mock-horror. “Of course not Rhodey! I would never!” I smiled. He smiled back. We both knew I would be using it the next chance I got. I leaned down, ignoring the pains in my knee and my sides. I picked up the fully powered arm. It was surprisingly light, and even detached as it was from the body it belonged to, moved with a surprising amount of humanity. I wondered at it for another minute and then held it out to Bucky.

“Sorry about that.” I muttered as he took it and tethered it back into place. He made a fist with his fingers before wiggling them.

He just nodded. “It was worth it.” He said finally, once he was looking back at me. I looked at him questioningly. “It was worth it because now I know your secret.” I froze, the world seemed to go dark around me as tunnel vision formed around me to pinpoint Bucky’s smiling face. My secret.

“My secret?” I croaked out.

He looked at me with a questioning glance but nodded. “You fight dirty.”

I let out a breath of air and laughed. His questioning gaze became more direct at that. I had to throw him of the scent. I wasn’t ready to talk about that yet.

So, I winked. “More fun that way . . . Wouldn’t you say?”

“Alright. Okay. Enough flirting you two.” Sam said, stepping between Bucky and I and holding his hands out as though to keep us apart. “Let’s see what everyone else has got.”

The rest of the morning passed quickly. After my little ‘demonstration’, as Sam had taken to calling it, everyone was eager for a chance to show their worth. Besides myself; Jackie and Bear were the two who came closest to taking Bucky down. Jackie because he was almost too fast for the Solider and Bear because he easily outweighed him.

My mind was focused on each of the matches, memorizing the fighting styles of each of my new teammates. It was obvious that most of them didn’t have a lot of experience in actual combat. That was going to make things harder. But something still didn’t sit right with me.

I’d first heard that Sam and Bucky were looking to recruit and train and entirely new team of Avengers about six months after Thanos had finally been defeated. It had been the only thing to get me out of bed in that whole time. Nat had been like a mother to me. But she hadn’t been my first mother figure. My mom had died when I was six. My grandmother when I was ten. Then Nat. I hadn’t felt like I could take any more loss in my life. So, I just stopped living it. I didn’t go out and mingle with the other SHIELD agents. I didn’t take up invitations to train with the other Avenger kids like Peter or Groot or Kate. I just stayed locked in my room. Then, one day, Sam came and found me. He said that he and Bucky had been talking about it and that the world needed the Avengers. The threats, he’d said, weren’t going to stop just because the Avengers weren’t around anymore. And then he’d given me a letter. He’d found it in my SHIELD file. It was a letter from Nat addressed to Nick Fury himself. She’d marveled at my ability to adapt and overcome. She’d praised my abilities in the field. And at the very end, she’d made one small note that had completely changed my perspective on life. “One could say that I am biased since I’ve raised her for so long. But it is my complete and professional opinion that she would be well suited to be an Avenger. I trust her to always have my back. The world needs more of the likes of her.”

So, I’d agreed. I’d gotten out of bed and I’d begun to train again. I’d gone on SHIELD sanctioned missions and I’d painstakingly climbed through every inch of air duct in SHIELD tower, listening to every conversation about every potential Avenger Sam and Bucky considered.

So I KNEW that everyone here had been hand picked for this team. But I also knew, that the new Avengers we were not. We were too hodge-podge a team. Not to mention we now had Rhodey babysitting. And the interrogation back in the conference room. Hmmm. This team had all the markings of an undercover-op. Sam, Rhodey, Bucky . . . They were all looking for something. Or someone. But why? And to what end?

Bucky took out the last new recruit, slamming Gabe hard into the mat. Sam merely looked at his watch and nodded. “Alright everyone. That’s lunch. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Don’t want you too tired for training tomorrow. Don’t forget to read through those files tonight!” He called at everyone’s retreating backs.

I stood and stretched my stiff muscles. It had been almost two hours since Bucky and I had gone head to head and my body felt like it was slowly knitting itself back together. How I wish I had Jackie’s fast healing abilities. He’d gotten a metal arm to the head and had come back with a bleeding temple. Less than two seconds later, the wound had stopped bleeding and less than a minute after that, there wasn’t even a scratch left on him.

I sighed. I suppose in the end, it was better to have some accelerated healing than none at all. I walked slowly towards the locker room. My knee was already feeling infinitely better. A good night's sleep and it would be like nothing had happened. Still, I wanted to wrap it and look more closely at my wrist before I went back to my room for the day. It had taken only one injury to not heal properly before I learned my lesson and started treating injuries as soon as possible. Having bones heal wrong only to have to be rebroken and set again was hell. Chalk that lesson up to Rhodey. Again. I was definitely going to have to use my electromagnet on him as soon as I got a chance.

I entered the locker room with a lot on my mind. But not so much that I failed to notice my tail. Bucky had followed me to the locker room but stayed in the shadows around the doorway, not daring or not willing to come any closer.

I kept one eye him and the other eye on my task. I pulled the first aid kit from its position on the wall and searched through it till I found the athletes tape. I put the box on back on the wall before sitting down on the small bench. I propped my foot up on the bench beside me and began rolling up my uniform leg.

“You just gonna stand there all day Big Six? Or do you want to help a girl out?” He seemed to jump. Had I actually caught him off guard again?

After a moment, he took a step into the light. “Big Six?” He asked, chuckling slightly.

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “Big Six, fella, hard-boiled, old boy. . .” I trailed off when no more 20’s slang came to mind. I paused. He had a look on his face that I would recognize a mile away. Homesickness. My voice got a little quieter. “So what do you say Big Six? Help a girl out?”

I motioned to my knee and held the tape out for him. For good measure, I pouted a little. Hopefully it would remind him of who’s fault this was in the first place and he’d go easy on me. Granted, I didn’t actually know why he’d followed me into the locker room in the first place, but it never hurt to soften someone up regardless.

Bucky stared at me almost uncomprehendingly for a moment before he finally took the tape from my hand. He straddled the bench as he gently reached over and gripped my thigh with one hand as his other went to work taping my knee so it wouldn’t pop out of socket again. I was surprised at the intimacy of the moment, but more surprised at how naturally it came.

We sat in silence for a few minutes as he worked. It didn’t escape my notice just how meticulous he was being. Was it just me? Or was the fearless ex-Hydra assassin . . . Afraid?!

I sat patiently - waiting for him to make his next move. Finally, he opened his mouth.

“You’re Natasha’s kid.” 

I chuckled. He looked up sharply. “Yeah.” I answered. “It’s where I got my superior fighting skills.”

He smiled at that and looked back down at my knee. “Superior is one word for it.” He whispered.

Silence filled the air again. It didn’t feel quite so tense this time.

“If you don’t mind me asking . . . I know you had a life . . . You know . . . Before . . .”

“Before Nat ‘unofficially adopted’ me?” I chucked darkly. He nodded. I sighed.

“Not that I’m one to dump my life story on others. But since you’re my boss and all . . .” I glanced over at him slyly. He pinched my thigh in what I suppose was supposed to be a warning way, but really it just sent a tingle up my body. What the he . . .??? Nope. No. No time to dissect that. I quickly continued.

“My grandfather was one of Steve and Peggy’s original SHIELD agents. Did you know that?” He shook his head. “He wasn’t your typical agent, my grandfather. I think that’s why Peggy hired him. He was fiercely loyal, incredibly smart and . . . Well . . . A bit of a pacifist.” Bucky snorted. I chose to ignore him. “My grandmother was a friend of Peggy’s from the war. She was quite the little spitfire herself. Or so I’m told. She’d lost some of her edge by the time I was born. Their romance was the whirlwind kind and soon enough they were married. It wasn’t even a year later that my dad was born.

“My dad grew up inside SHIELD. He was just as invested in the good they did as his parents were. Though not quite the pacifist. He rose quickly through the ranks and ultimately met my mother who was an agent of SHIELD herself. They got married and had me. I’m told that there was never a happier family than the three of us. But things have a way of turning around. Especially when you work as someone who tends to find themselves on the wrong end of a gun more often than not.”

I was quiet for a moment, lost in memories of the past. “What happened?” Bucky finally prompted.

I shrugged. “Clint brought Nat in. He’d flipped her. She wanted to clean the red from her ledger. But SHIELD didn’t feel like they could trust her. So, my parents recommended that my grandparents become her handlers. They were retired so they had time enough to do it, plus it was the perfect field test. Everyone knew that Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N wouldn’t hurt a hair on the head of fly let alone a whole human being. My father recommended that SHIELD leave Nat with them. If she attacked and escaped it would prove that she was just a double agent. If she lived peacefully alongside them. . . Well . . . That would prove she was truly a changed woman.”

“And did it work?”

“Yeah. Yeah it did. For two years Nat lived with my grandparents. She would babysit me sometimes. She wasn’t allowed out on real missions you see. Not just then. But I was considered just as much an asset as her and needed all the protection I could get.”

“But something happened.” Bucky surmised.

“Yeah. Something happened. . .” I trailed off. “When I was six my parents were in an accident. Footage of the crime scene showed that it wasn’t just an accident if you know what I mean.”

Bucky took a deep breath and looked at me with panicked eyes.

“No! No! It wasn’t you.” He let out his breath slowly. “I promise. I know who it was. It wasn’t you.” I patted his metal arm awkwardly.

“Nat realized pretty quickly that her defection had been discovered and my family had been targeted. And so, like a thief in the night, she vanished. Years later I would learn that she had gone to SHIELD and had used them to help her erase as much of mine and my grandparents existences as possible. I think it was her way of protecting me. If I didn’t exist, then HYDRA couldn’t hurt me. I think it was her way of protecting the memory of my parents. She’d seen them as the siblings she’d never had. She’d be damned if their legacy died with them.

“I, in the meantime, had been sent to live with my grandparents. They welcomed me with open arms, and I couldn’t have been placed in a better home. For four years we lived in peace and then grandma passed. Her death we’d been expecting. She’d been sick for awhile. I think that in the end, she was happy to go. Grandpa lived only four years after that. Died of a heart attack three days before the anniversary of my parents' deaths.”

Pain laced my heart as I thought about them again. My parents I hardly remembered anymore. But my grandfather had been my rock. My one true constant in my life. He’d been there for me through thick and thin. Especially after grandma died. He had, without a doubt, shaped me into the woman I was today. And words couldn’t describe the sense of loss I still felt when I thought about him.

I cleared my throat. “I was just fourteen at that point. Still a minor. My mom was an orphan herself and had grown up in the system. I don’t know what it was like when you’re from. But nowadays orphans with nowhere to go get put in the system.

“Nat had done her best to erase me from existence. But she couldn’t completely disappear me. She was on a mission when she got the news that my grandfather had passed. They’d come to an agreement years before that if anything happened to him, she’d find me a new home. Hopefully one away from everything. I think that my grandfather was afraid of what I would become if I joined SHIELD. He’d already lost his son and daughter-in-law. I don’t think he wanted to lose me too. Nat had a nice little family all picked out and everything for when the day came. But like I said, she was on a mission when she got the news. She was two weeks too late.

“Granddad didn’t put his agreement with Nat down on paper and even if he had, they had no way of contacting her. I was just fourteen, just a kid. And I’d just lost the last member of my family that I’d ever known. I wasn’t really in great enough shape to tell them that Nat could take me in. So, they uploaded my information into the system. They wanted to put me in foster care. But you see, HYDRA hadn’t forgotten about me.”

Bucky’s hand with the tape stilled and his other hand squeezed my thigh again. He obviously knew what was coming. “They’d figured out that Nat had been keeping me hidden but they also knew that it was only a matter of time before something popped up. The second my information was in the system they knew where I was.

“I spent maybe a day at the house of my social worker before a ‘lovely couple’ came to adopt me. I was told over and over what a miracle it was that they’d come. I was going to be so happy in my new home. Etc. Etc.

“I’m sure you’ve guessed by now that they weren’t actually a ‘lovely couple’ looking for a nice daughter to share their lives with. But they had everyone else fooled. Myself included I’m afraid. By the time Nat came looking to take me away I was already gone. HYDRA moves fast.

“I won’t bore you with the details of my time with HYDRA. I’m sure you have enough stories yourself.” I looked at him then. Looked into the eyes of someone who’d lived what I’d lived and could relate in ways no other soul could. I saw deep sympathy there and a rage similar to the one that burned inside me. “So I’ll just finish my story by saying I was there for about a year. I’m not sure exactly how much time. It all sort of bled together after awhile. But Nat found me in the end. She saved me. But I was too broken to go to that nice little family she’d picked out all those years ago. Too changed by my experiences to really go anywhere but with her.

“I was fifteen when she saved me.” I whispered. “And I’ve been with SHIELD ever since.”

Silence echoed through the locker room after that. Bucky eased my bandaged knee onto the bench. I barely felt it so lost in the memories and pain of the past.

I started to the present when I felt the cold metal of his mechanical hand reach out and brush a tear from my cheek. I hadn’t realized I had been crying.

We stared at each other until I couldn’t take it any longer. I stood quickly and wobbled a little on my wrapped knee. A strong urge to deflect and run filled me and I was practically bursting at the seams to obey.

“Well now you know my whole life’s history.” I said quickly, already awkwardly making my way to the door. Bucky stood and moved to follow me. I held up a hand to stop him, and my mouth just kept spewing nonsense. “And wouldn’t you know it? I’m late for my first debrief with Captain Sam. So, thanks for the help with the . . . You know . . .” I said gesturing at my knee. “Sorry for the bruises Big Six . . . I’m sure you’ll feel better in the morning!”

Before he could say anything else, I was out the door and around the corner. Ignoring the screaming pains scattered across my body, I moved quickly down the hall. My emotions were a complete tangled mess. I needed to lay low for a minute and process what it was exactly that had made me spew almost all my secrets to a virtual stranger. “FRIDAY.” I called. 

“Can I help you Y/N?” 

“Get me off the radar for awhile will you?”

“Stealth mode for Y/N initiated. As a reminder Y/N; no one will be able to track your location until stealth mode is terminated.”

“That’s the point F.R.I.D.A.Y.” I sighed. “That’s the point.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaaaaay. Now that we’ve got all that pesky meet-and-greet-angsty-backstory stuff out of the way, things get good. The next chapters are basically my favorites.


	6. In which you’re busted

I ran until I couldn’t run from my problems any longer. And then I tried hiding from them. If you knew anything about anything then you knew that in a tower filled to the brim with spies, heroes and bad guys - there was always someplace to hide. Nat had showed me some of those hiding places herself when I first convinced her to bring me here. Some Uncle Clint had showed me. And some I found on my own. We all have ghosts. I was just haunted by more than most. But that was the secret I guess. Some ghosts were easier to ditch than others. And . . . Of course . . . If you found a hiding place near a hub in the tower; say by a water cooler - the gossip you’d pick up on far drowned out the noises and whispers of the ghosts of the past.

So, I went there. To the Avengers break room. Well . . . Not to the break room. More like the vent above the fridge in the break room. Somewhere with just enough room to relax; and positioned just central enough to hear almost everything being spoken. Whispered or not.

Sam and Rhodey were in the break room sipping coffee. The rest of the team was nowhere to be found. I smiled. Safe. Now what kind of trouble could I get myself into to distract from my own demons?

“You’ve put together a fine team for yourself man.” Rhodey was saying. 

“I hope so.” Sam replied humbly.

“Nah man. Steve would be proud. Hell. Even Tony would be impressed.”

Sam laughed. “Of course he would. FRIDAY Practically runs the team and you and your metal onesie are on it! I might carry the shield now, but Tony’s legacy lives on just as much.”

Rhodey nodded silently.

“Speaking of the team though,” Rhodey continued. “Nat’s kid. She’s almost as good as her mom. . .” 

My heart swelled within me. Never before had a compliment touched me so deeply. 

“. . . And the rest of them have quite the potential. Besides that Martin kid. I mean . . . What were you thinking there?”

My ears perked up. Finally! Something juicy. I leaned closer to the grate in the ceiling.

Sam was nodding. “I know. I know. Not exactly SHIELD material.”

Rhodey shook his head. “There’s more to this story than just that. Come on man. Don’t make me force it out of you.”

Sam laughed. “Oh, bring it on Tin Can.”

Rhodey made like he was going to hit Sam with his fully clad, Iron Patriot arm. But he pulled away at the last minute. “Not that I wouldn’t, mind you.” he joked. “But I’d hate to get blood all over the fresh paint job.” He picked his coffee mug back up.

Sam laughed and shook his head and very clearly and very deliberately changed the subject. I stifled a groan and the urge to bang my head against the metal walls. I really hated being left in the dark.

I listened, bored, for another couple of minutes hoping that Rhodey would eventually steer the conversation back to what interested me. He’d clearly noticed, just as I had, Sam’s evade. But for some unspoken reason he seemed to understand why Sam was so hesitant to talk about it here and now.

Just as I was about to pull away and go try my hand at hacking FRIDAY’s mainframe again; (haven’t been successful yet, but there’s a first time for everything. And eventually I would HAVE to be able to get in. Really the odds were in my favor. Never mind they were a million to one.) - Bucky suddenly entered the kitchen.

I watched him approach the others with something akin to apprehension in my gut. I didn’t want Rhodey and Sam to know what had happened in the locker room. Call it pride or maybe just a survival instinct, but I didn’t to appear weak to the other two senior members of the Avengers.

I sucked in a breath and held it as Sam and Rhodey greeted the Winter Soldier, waiting to hear what he would say.

“So! Barnes! You got quite the ass-kicking today man.” Said Rhodey as he smiled knowingly at Bucky.

“You mean, quite the ass-kicking for him, right?” Sam laughed. “I have to say, Nat’s little Spark did a lot better than I was expecting. You’d almost think she was like you and Steve.” 

I let out a strangled chuckle. It was closer to the truth than I liked to admit. And I was NOT ready for the consequences of the team finding out exactly what I was. Not just yet.

Bucky tilted his head in acknowledgment but didn’t say anything. Was I just being paranoid? Or did it look like the cogs in his head were working overdrive on that otherwise innocent joke. Did he suspect my real secret?

“A lot better than you were expecting?!” Rhodey practically shouted. “Hell! She almost had him at one point. If you weren’t so light on your feet Barnes, she would have had you down and out when she pulled that little flip maneuver right over your head.”

Barnes started at that comment and one hand went to his forehead almost unconsciously.

I’ll admit it. In the cold light of day . . . Or rather in the cold air of the air vent in the darkness of the shadows I thrived in . . . I felt suddenly embarrassed. Thank goodness I was hidden in the air vents with nothing but the ghosts of the past and the airbunnies to see my shame. If I was being truthful with myself, it had been a silly, and dare I say, juvenile move. But in the heat of the moment I couldn’t help myself. It’s something Nat would have done. In fact, I’m pretty sure I HAD seen her do it on one of the numerous tapes I’d seen of her on missions from before she took over responsibility for me. Yeah. That must have been it. Just a call back to my mom’s glory days.

I turned my attention back to the kitchen. Bucky’s head was still on his forehead but now he was massaging it as though he was thoroughly fed up with the teasing. But I could practically hear the cogs turning in that brain of his.

“With a little more training in her, she’d probably be able to kick all our asses.” Rhodey said shaking his head. “Nat picked a good one.”

Sam nodded. “She’s the best there is. That’s why we picked her.”

My ears caught on to that word. ‘We’. He’d motioned to Bucky when he’d said it, but I hadn’t realized that the decision had involved more than himself. Bucky seemed perfectly fine letting Sam run the team. I assumed it’s because it’s what Steve had wanted, and Bucky was nothing if not loyal to that man. I didn’t have long to think about the how’s and the why’s behind the decision though before Sam spoke again. A little louder than before.

“We didn’t just pick her for her excellent fighting skills though.” He said, voice getting louder and louder until he was practically yelling. Bucky and Rhodey eyed him as though he’d gone mad. “We also picked her because besides Nat and Clint, she’s the best spy the Avengers have ever seen. Isn’t that right Y/N?”

I smiled. Busted.

“That’s right! I called out, laughing. “And don’t you forget it!” I popped the air vent open and fell, for the second time today (but much more gracefully), right beside Bucky Barnes.

Rhodey’s mouth opened and closed as he looked from me to the ceiling and back again. “Wha. . .”

I winked. “A girl’s got to know what people are saying behind her back don’t you think?”

That shut him up. He laughed. “Definitely your mother's daughter.” He smiled softly. I smiled back.

“Y/N.” Bucky said, ruining the moment. I nodded at him in acknowledgment. I got the strong impression that he hadn’t known I’d been listening from the vents, but he appeared, once again, entirely unfazed by my sudden entrance. I resisted the urge to pout. It wasn’t as fun when people weren’t surprised.

“So.” I said, turning to Sam. “You finally gonna tell me what’s going on here? Because this isn’t your run-of-the-mill group of heroes you’ve chosen for your ‘ground breaking’ and ‘historic’ new team Captain Sam. And one way or another I’m going to get to the bottom of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops - I lied. NEXT chapter it gets interesting ;)


	7. In which you’re finally let out of the dark by being put into it

“Careful Sparky.’ Sam began. I pinched my lips and furrowed my brow. I HATED that name. “What?” Sam broke off, smiling smugly at me. “Don’t like your code name?”

“That was once.” I held up a finger dramatically. “One time that happened. And don’t tell me you hadn’t ever wanted to see what would happen if you cranked Stark’s quantum ray up to 10 and let ‘er rip.”

Rhodey and Sam laughed and even Bucky cracked a smile. 

“Anyway . . .” Sam continued, ignoring my tirade entirely. It didn’t escape my attention that he failed to answer the question. I knew he was a hypocrite. My eyes narrowed. “You’re right about one thing. This isn’t your rag-tag bunch of hero’s. We have a situation. And the team wasn’t chosen at random.”

“Yeah. I’d gathered that.” I said.

Sam’s smile widened. “You wouldn’t be on the team at all if I didn’t think you could pick up on something so obvious. Let’s go somewhere a little more private to chat though.”

Without another word, he walked out of the room. “I’ve got somewhere to be.” Rhodey called at his retreating back. “But I want in on this little briefing of yours when I get back!”

Sam nodded, but didn’t pause as I followed him out of the room. I looked back briefly but Rhodey only waved. Bucky nodded politely at the Iron Patriot and then followed me out of the room.

We walked in silence until we got to the end of the hall. Sam pulled what looked like a small chip out of his pocket and inserted it into what looked like solid wall. I stared intently at the spot until Sam removed the chip and saw the tell-tale sign of a hologram shimmer back into place. Clever. I would never have noticed. Sam caught my eyes and gave me a tight lipped smile. His eyes seemed to say; “I’ll explain it in a minute.”

The elevator dinged and the three of us entered. It was eerily quiet, and tensions seemed to be running high. I surreptitiously glanced at Sam. His arms were resting casually at his side, but his fists were clenching and unclenching tightly. Bucky’s arms were crossed, his flesh and blood arm seemed to be flexing and relaxing in quick bursts and his fingers tapped out an unknown rhythm on his metal arm. They were anxious. I settled back on the balls of my feet and fisted my own fingers as butterflies began to wreck havoc in my stomach. I wished I had an air vent to hide, or rather, strategically retreat to, this time.

Suddenly the downward motion of the elevator stopped. For a brief moment, the smooth ride was still and then without warning we suddenly started moving quickly forward. I was no expert, but elevators didn’t normally move horizontally.

I glanced at Sam again, the question already on my lips. He shook his head and looked from me to the ceiling and back again. The message was clear. You never knew who might be listening.

We traveled in silence for another minute or so. The two soldiers beside me only growing more tense as the time passed until finally the elevator shuddered to a stop. A quiet, but peppy ‘ding!’ Was all the warning we got before the doors whooshed open and I got a nose full of extremely stale air.

Sam immediately exited the elevator and headed into darkness before us. I was all for answers, but I didn’t know if I actually wanted to risk my life in the hands of whatever might be lurking in the shadows of the bat cave to find them out. I opened my mouth ready to demand answers but closed it almost immediately.

Bucky had placed his hand on the small of my back and was pushing me forward. “It’s going to be okay . . . Doll.” He whispered, so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.

I dug my heels in for a moment and then thought better of it. There was clearly something going on here. And unless Loki was back on earth, wreaking havoc and mind controlling people, Sam and Bucky hadn’t led me here to kill me. And I wanted answers. Now more than ever. I let Bucky lead me into the darkness.

As we left the elevator, I heard the doors shut and the sounds of it moving back the way it had come. Now it really was just the three of us. In a dark . . . I gasped. Without the elevators bright lights to hinder me, my eyes adjusted to the darkness relatively quickly. We really were in some kind of . . . Bat cave! Although to be fair to my main man Bruce, no version of his cave I’d ever seen portrayed in the comics or on film could live up to the grandeur of the Avenger’s own.

The cave seemed to stretch up and out for miles. Tall stalactites reached down to touch the stalagmites, forming beautiful, high reaching natural columns. As my eyes continued to adjust, I saw a natural green glow emanating from a moss like substance attached to almost every inch of those columns, giving everything a surreal glow.

Sam was ahead of us, walking purposefully to what looked like an old switchboard panel. Once he reached it, he pulled a few levers and pushed a few buttons and a yellow glow warmed the room as the antique light bulbs turned on and warmed up around us.

Bucky dropped his hand from my back almost in the same moment that Sam turned around to face us. I filed the action under “to be dealt with later” in the back of my mind and walked towards one of the few tables placed strategically under one of the lightbulbs.

The original SHIELD logo was painted on the top. The paint was fading and chipped in some places but there was enough of it to recognize it. A few pieces of this new puzzle began to fall into place.

Bucky sat to my left at the head of the table, and Sam sat across from me. I folded my arms and looked at Sam expectantly. Rule number one of an interrogation. Let the subject be the first to talk.

Sam rubbed his neck. “So you probably have some questions.” He began.

I carefully kept my face blank. Rule number two of an interrogation, don’t lead the subject. Of course I had questions. But Sam was more likely to spill if he felt pressured to. And he was going to feel more pressured to if I didn’t ‘cooperate’ during this little meet and greet.

“Right.” He said, looking at Bucky for help. I didn’t follow the movement, keeping my eyes firmly, and expressionlessly on Sam’s face. But nonetheless, I felt Bucky’s eyes burning a hole in the side of my own.

“Right.” He said again. “I don’t know how much you know about the events that led to Thanos’ defeat.” I glared at him slightly. He winced. “Obviously you are probably more aware of the situation than other SHIELD members because of . . .”

“My mom.” I whispered, letting my voice break with the strength of my emotions. This was going to be a painful conversation if we were already talking about Nat. I wasn’t sure I was ready for it after my heart to heart with Bucky earlier. But it was too late to back out now. And I had a feeling I needed to know what they were about to tell me sooner rather than later.

Sam was nodding. “Yeah . . . Because of that. But I think the best way to explain everything is to recap a few things. So just . . . Bare with me. Okay?”

I nodded tensely and motioned for him to continue. Bucky was riveted to my every move, hardly giving Sam another thought. What was with him?

“As you know, certain . . . Sacrifices . . .” He glanced at me quickly, and then glanced away. “. . . Had to be made in order to defeat Thanos. It took a lot out of everyone. Steve had been fighting this fight longer than anyone else really. Besides Bucky here. And he was tired. He’d lost literally everything once already when he went into the ice. And then again when Thanos struck the first time. And then here he was losing everything again for a third time. Your mom’s . . . Death . . . And . . . Well . . . Tony’s sacrifice . . . Pushed him over the edge. I don’t think he could handle the thought of starting over again. So, he decided to make the selfish play for the first time in a long time and he decided to go back. We had the technology, so he decided to go back to Peggy and start over. But this time it was different because he wasn’t entirely starting over, right? He had Peggy and they already had that connection. Really, he was just picking up where he left off.

“Steve handed the shield to me and told Bucky and me to continue on. He felt that the world still needed our help. He said that just because Thanos had been defeated, didn’t mean that all the enemies had been and there were still innocents who needed the little guy to stand up for them.”

Sam glanced at me to see if I was following. I was. But it was getting increasingly difficult not to violate Rule Two of interrogation. I’d known Steve. I hadn’t been as close to him as some of the other Avengers because he’d been a little more closed off. I’d liked him. But I didn’t see what any of this had to do with our current location or our current problem.

Whatever Sam was looking for in my expressionless he seemed to have found it as he continued.

“It ended up being a good thing for us that he did.” He said. “Steve went back in time and through the various escapades that he and Peggy got up to, they uncovered a bigger plot. You see, HYDRA has been a problem since the beginning of time. They’ve always been defeated, but their secrets and their beliefs, those . . . Those never stay buried for long. Steve defeated them in the early 1900s. He came to the future and he helped us defeat them again.” He glanced at Bucky at this point and winced slightly. We all knew what he was referring to there. “And then he went back to Peggy’s time. And he learned that the Winter Soldier wasn’t the only plot that they’d had their hands in.

“From the past, Steve and Peggy and their agents took out a number of HYDRA projects and plans. But there were a few that they never quite figured out.

“Since Steve was from the future, he knew that eventually there would come a time when HYDRA would infiltrate SHIELD. He knew he had to let it happen because it was the only way to save Bucky and leave him here as a defense once Steve himself returned to the past. But also because of some space time continuum crap that I never really understood.”

I smiled at that. I supposed Thor or some of his people might have a grasp on it, but I highly doubted any earthbound mortals knew much more than or understood it better than Sam did. It was just too unknowable.

“Steve knew that eventually it would happen though. He left us a message that told us about this place.” He said gesturing with his arms.

“An entire hidden SHIELD base to use in the event that SHIELD ever fell and we needed a place to regroup and plan.”

I leaned back in my chair as I took all the information in. I shook my head slowly. “Why would he do that though? You said he had to let events play out as close to the history books as possible because of the ‘whole space time continuum thing you didn’t understand’.” Sam nodded. “So why would he build a secret base for when SHIELD fell? You wouldn’t be able to use it. You didn’t before when . . . You know . . .” I gestured my head in Bucky’s direction, keeping my eyes firmly locked on Sam’s face.

Sam looked like the cat who ate the canary. “Exactly.” He said.

More and more pieces began to fall into place. “. . . Because he knew that Bucky’s arrival wouldn’t be the first time SHIELD would fall.” I whispered, the legs of my chair hitting the rocky floor with a bang. I placed my hands on the table and leaned closer to Sam, my eyes growing wide. “Because SHIELD’s falling again right now . . . Isn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Steve would have made an excellent old-timey Batman.


	8. In which you’re given the real mission . . . Should you choose to accept it

“Technically . . . It’s already fallen.” Bucky said, speaking for the first time since we got to this odd relic of past Steve’s past. Sam and I glanced sharply at him. My eyes widened.

“It hasn’t fallen . . . Yet.” Sam corrected quickly. “But we are running out of time to save it. That’s where the new team comes in.”

I gave Bucky one last appraising look. He met my eyes fearlessly. I looked back at Sam. “You mean, that’s where I come in.”

He raised one eyebrow. I shrugged my shoulders. “If this was a problem you meant to have the entire team help with then I assume you would have brought the entire team down to the Cap’ cave instead of just yours truly. You have a secret mission for me. And me alone. I lounged back in my chair again, attempting to throw off an air of leisure. “So lay it on me Captain Sam. What do we got?”

Sam ducked his head and shook it back and forth, but I’d already seen the grin on his face. “Alright. Alright. You got us. We need you to do what you do best.”

“Stick to the shadows and meddle in other people’s business?” I asked slyly.

Sam nodded. “Think you can do that?” He asked.

I nodded slowly, a Cheshire Cat grin stealing across my face. “Of course. Captain Sam. I’d prove it to you, but I don’t think you want Big Six over there to know what dirty little secrets you keep in your underwear drawer.”

Sam looked at me unimpressed. “I don’t keep any secrets in my underwear drawer.” He said.

My grin grew even larger. I stood from my chair slowly, put my hands on the table and leaned towards him slowly . . . Adding to the drama of the moment, naturally.

“You’re right. My mistake. It’s more of a dirty little secret under the third floorboard in the left hand corner of your closet underneath the miniature bookcase filled with Captain America comic books.” Sam stared at me with wide unblinking eyes. When he finally spoke, his voice was higher pitched than I recall it normally being.

“So, the mission then huh?”

I winked and slowly sat back in my chair. Bucky’s eyes volleyed between us but neither Sam nor I addressed the elephant in the room again. My point had been made. Sam didn’t need to know that I didn’t actually know what was in his hidey-hole. Just knew where it was.

Sam stood up and paced nervously across the floor. He cleared his throat a few times before speaking again. This time at a much more normal pitch.

“Hill and I worked hard to put this specific team together.” He began.

I nodded. “You think one or more of them is working for the bad guys.”

Sam nodded. “Not just any bad guys though. HYDRA.”

I tensed. It was barely noticeable really. Unless you just happened to be a lumbering giant of a man who had just heard my sob-story about my own lovely HYDRA vacation not an hour earlier. No wonder his eyes had been glued to me. He reached out and put a steadying on my arm. I let out a slow breath. Sam pretended not to notice. “Hill and I strongly suspect that at least one of the newbies is a HYDRA agent in disguise. It’s entirely possible that they all are. We can’t know for sure.”

“What’s the plan here? I assume it’s not just a snatch and grab.”

Sam shook his head. “No. We’re almost entirely sure that at least one of them is HYDRA. But that’s just on this team alone. We suspect that most of SHIELD is full of HYDRA agents. We need a way to identify and remove the problem. If HYDRA suspects even for a moment that we know what they’re up to, everyone in SHIELD, not to mention the world, is in danger.”

I let out another breath. The idea of an entire world under HYDRA’s loving hands? I’d rather be dead. Bucky started rubbing small circles into my arm with his thumb. I glanced at it and then at him. He was staring intently at the wall just over Sam’s shoulder. I doubt he even noticed what he was doing to me.

I pulled away and started pacing myself. “Why me?” I asked, getting right to the heart of the matter.

Sam stopped pacing, and Bucky’s eyes met mine.

“Excuse me?” Bucky finally muttered.

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously guys. Why me? What made you decide to trust me instead of Tom Dick or Harry upstairs?”

Sam and Bucky glanced at each other. I crossed my arms. I was getting reaaaal sick of their silent conversations. “. . . We know.” Sam finally blurted out.

“Excuuuuse me?” I echoed Bucky’s earlier phrase, much more sarcastically.

“We know what HYDRA did to you.” My entire body froze. I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to, and I very much wanted to. “We know what they made you.”

“No.” I whispered horrified. “No. You can’t. Nat . . . Nat promised.”

Bucky ducked his head and seemed to fold in on himself. I backed away from the table. “She promised.” I repeated.

Sam slowly rounded the table and held up his hands in a placating way. “She kept her promise kid. She never said a word. We had . . . Other means.” My head glanced sharply at Bucky. He seemed to feel the heat of my gaze and met my eyes miserably. 

“I was there Y/N. I . . . I watched.” I was shaking my head in earnest now. This was Bucky Barnes. Steve Rogers best friend in the whole world. Sure he’d done terrible things. But he’d done them in the past. To nameless, faceless people. He was a good guy. He never would have done anything to me. Nothing like what had been done to me. 

My hands shook but I raised them in front of me instinctively. In a far distant part of my brain, I recognized I’d just taken a defensive stance against Sam Wilson. But the logical part of my brain was down for the count at the moment. It was too busy being drowned out by a slew of memories that were too fresh from my earlier pow-wow with the man who now claimed he was one of my tormentors. Oh Heavens to Betsy. I’d confided in the bastard.

Sam was still walking towards me slowly. “Y/N. You’re safe. HYDRA can’t hurt you. Bucky would never hurt you either.”

“Well that’s not exactly true now . . . Is it?” I demanded. My voice sounded odd in my panicked ears. Bucky, if anything, managed to shrink into himself even further.

Sam glanced at him and then back at me, a sympathetic wince on his face. “Y/N. Please. Let’s just talk about this. We really do need your help.”

He got even closer and his voice dropped to a whisper. “And somewhere in the back of your mind Sparky, you know as well as I do that Barnes wasn’t himself when all that happened. And he might have been there, but can you honestly tell me right now that he was one of your tormentors? Come on now Sparky. I recognize this. It’s not you. You’re having an episode. Just listen to my voice. Come on now Sparky.”

Sam’s voice and his own sense of calm, calmed my frazzled nerves. The voices and faces of my actual torturers faded one by one from my mind as I took deep breaths like Nat had taught me when she’d first saved me. Sam wrapped me in his arms, pulling my face to his chest and stroking my back. “That’s it Sparky. Just breathe.”

I held on for a moment and then, in the safety of Sam’s arms, I did something stupid. I looked back on the memories that had just now briefly swamped me, and I searched. And I searched. And I searched. Sam was right. Bucky’s face was not there. He’d never been the one to torture me. There’d been a gleam of metal here or there, flashes of light that really could have been anything. But never him. I let out a sigh and was surprised to feel it tinged with relief. I hadn’t wanted to believe him capable of such things.

I pulled away from Sam and nodded curtly at the look in his eye asking if I was okay. As one, we turned back to the table. I hesitated when I reached my seat. Bucky was slouched in his seat looking very much like he wanted the floor to open and swallow him whole. I sucked in a deep breath.

It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault.

I reached out a tentative hand and placed it on his metal one, much like he’d done earlier. His head jerked up at the movement. “I’m sorry.” I whispered. It was so quiet I could only hope he’d heard it. I couldn’t quite meet his eyes. For a moment we stayed there. Me standing with my hand on his arm and him staring at me as though I held the fate of the worlds in my hands. And then he reached out his flesh and blood hand and placed it on top of mine, squeezing slightly. It was an interesting contrast, the cold of his metal arm and the warmth of his hand.

“Me too.” He whispered, just as quietly.

“Okay.” Sam said suddenly, causing us both to jump. I pulled my hand from Bucky’s quickly and sat in my seat with a thud. “Here’s the situation. Hill asked Barnes and I to assemble a new team. We hand picked agents that have the highest likelihood of working for HYDRA and are also the most dangerous. We need to figure out which are HYDRA and which, if any are SHIELD. Bucky and I have been monitoring it closely during the application process and we have our suspicions. I brought Rhodey on board because we’re going to make the Roosevelt play.”

“The Roosevelt play?” I asked.

“Speak softly and carry a big stick. Rhodey’s the ‘big stick’. But we need someone with a little more finesse to be our ‘speak softly’. That’s where you come in.”

“You need me to get cozy with the new recruits.” I said. 

“Exactly. But not just that. . .” Sam sat in his chair and leaned towards me. I saw the hint of concern and pity in his eyes. I sighed.

“You know what they did to me.” It wasn’t a question anymore.

“We know they changed you. We don’t know to what extent. I don’t think you do either . . . Do you?” I shook my head.

“And we can get into that another time.” Bucky interjected, looking Sam pointedly.

“Right.” Sam agreed quickly. “But they did make you something of an empath . . . Or so we’re told.” He shot another subtle-not-so-subtle look at Bucky.

I nodded slowly. “To an extent. Yes.” I stood from the table and started pacing again as I looked for the right words. “It’s not an exact science. And it’s not something that I’ve really attempted to better. Sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can’t. Normally it happens after my own walls are down.”

“Like now?” Sam pushed.

I nodded. “Like now. It’s how you were able to calm me down back there.” I felt the blush creeping up my cheeks but forced it back down. “Your sense of calm was strong enough to calm me down. You’re feeling curious now. But still calm. Bucky’s feeling a whole slew of emotions.” I pointed out.

Suddenly all of Bucky’s emotions were sucked away, almost like a vacuum had come and clean the room. I grunted and leaned over, bracing my hands on my knees. “Don’t do that.” I hissed at him. A sense of chagrin wafted through the air.

Sam looked from me to Bucky and back again. “I don’t even want to know.” He proclaimed finally, holding his hands up in the air. “Well. Since we know it’s working right now, we just need to figure out a way to get your walls down all the time. We’re going to need your empathic abilities if we’re going to find the mole . . . Or moles.”

I shook my head wildly. “Nuh - uh. No way. These walls are going back up baby! I just need a few hours sleep. No way am I running around feeling all of this all of the time.” Sam just glanced at me sympathetically.

“Sorry Sparky. In this instance I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you to take one for the team. Fate of the world and all that.”

I groaned. This was going to be a long . . . However long this mission was supposed to last.


	9. In which you learn everything you never needed to know about James Buchanan Barnes

We spent the next hour and a half going over the finer points of the mission. When we were going to sneak away and how we were going to do it. We talked about what exactly I was looking for in terms of information. We even talked about how best to keep my walls down so I would be forced to feel everything. That’s the topic that I liked the least. Not that my opinion was taken into consideration. In fact, it was firmly, but politely not noted. 

Ultimately it was decided that I would be allowed to get no more than four hours of sleep a night. If my walls weren’t sufficiently dropped as a result, then my sleep schedule would get cut even more. Sam had high hopes that eventually, I would learn how to let my walls down on my own and the sleepless nights wouldn’t be needed as much, but I had my doubts. I’d spent most of my life running from my own feelings. How on earth was I supposed to learn how to willingly feel other’s?

Sam also felt like I needed a babysitter. He didn’t trust me not to ‘sneak some z’s’ behind his back while he and the rest of the team was sleeping. I suggested letting FRIDAY be the one to keep me in check but that was quickly vetoed. Apparently my little modifications to FRIDAY’s software had not gone as unnoticed as I had hoped. So instead I was getting a flesh and blood and . . . Sigh . . . Metal babysitter. Turned out whatever HYDRA had done to Bucky, he could operate on just as little sleep as I was about to be getting. Great. 

Sam smiled at me as I shot him a look that promised a painful revenge. He handed me a chip similar to the one he’d used to bring us down to the Cap’ Cave. 

“This is for you. Don’t lose it. And don’t let anyone else know you’ve got it.” I rolled my eyes. 

“Thanks dad.” 

He laughed. “Since you’ve got a few hours before you can sleep, how about the two of you practice Y/N’s empath abilities a little longer? We’re going to need them sooner rather than later.” 

My hand, not for the first time today, moved swiftly down to the blade on my thigh. Sam practically ran to the elevator. “Don’t stay up too late!” He chuckled. The elevator doors closed right as my blade reached them, and it bounced harmlessly off the stainless steel. 

“I’m going to kill him.” I muttered as I walked slowly over to pick up my blade. 

I took great care in examining it as I walked slowly and grudgingly back to the table. Bucky hadn’t moved. I had yet to make eye contact with him since my little episode earlier. 

I picked at a nonexistent scratch on the blade as I felt the whirlwind of emotions rolling off him in waves. Frustration. I couldn’t tell if that one was aimed at Sam or at me. Regret. That one was for me. He regretted that this would hurt me. Not hard to decipher. Sadness. Pain. Longing. That one surprised me. What was he longing for? It wasn’t normal longing either. This was a deep sense of painful yearning for something just out of reach. Finally, a tinge of amusement and . . . Desire? I glanced up at him sharply. His eyes were more open then they’d been all day and it was definitely desire I saw reflected back at me. Desire . . . For me? 

Just as soon as I made eye contact, his mask slipped back on leaving his eyes fathomless as always and he once again sucked all the emotions out of the room. I’d been more in tune with them this time, so I felt their loss much more acutely. I actually fell to my knees. My hands were braced on either side of me as I took in large gulps of air. He was by my side in seconds. “Don’t do that.” I forced out. 

One of his hands was on my back and his other on my arm, trying to pull me up again. Regret filled the air again and I breathed a little easier. He didn’t bother trying to deny it. 

I let him pull me up and sit me in the chair. I folded my arms on the table and leaned my head into them. Sweat caked my brow. 

Curiosity touched me. 

“I’ll be fine.” I said from the safety of my arms. “Just feels like you’ve ripped the carpet out from under me. Just give me a minute.” Appeasement. 

I took in shallow breaths and let them out, willing my nausea to abate. His emotions faded and took on a jaded, bored sort of tone. “This is no fun for me either Big Six.” I said.

Surprise. 

Anger. 

A false sense of calm. At least he hadn’t sucked the emotions out of the room this time. I sat up, propped my chin on my hand and brushed my sweaty hair out of my face. “You don’t have to pretend to like that I’m doing it you know.” 

Guilt. 

“Just . . . Just be you.” I sighed, my eyes fluttering close. 

Intense guilt. 

“If I open my eyes and you’re about to pinch me awake, I’m going to break your metal arm again Big Six.” 

Shock. 

Amusement.

“Yeah. Yeah. You were feeling guilty about something. I assumed it was because you thought I looked tired and felt bad you were going to wake me up.” 

Guilt. 

“I knew it.” 

Curiosity mixed with a dash of . . . trepidation? 

“I can’t read your mind, if that’s what you’re thinking. But between my ‘power’ if you can call it that and my own genius, it's pretty easy to figure it out.” 

Amusement. 

“Alright, either I got it right or . . .” I opened my eyes to find his face much closer to mine than I’d been expecting. “. . . Or I got it so wrong you can’t help but laugh.” I finished breathlessly. 

He stared deeply into my eyes and I felt that same intense longing again, much stronger this time. I gasped and put a hand to my chest. He followed the action with his eyes which widened in surprise and he started to pull his emotions in again. 

“Don . . .” I started. He glanced at me and fear poured into the room. 

I sighed in relief. 

Calm. 

I nodded. “Okay. Okay. Calm I can do. Calm is good.” Bucky smirked. Amusement. 

“That one’s fine too Big Six. Let’s just keep it between one or the other, shall we?” 

Nothing changed. I sighed in relief. 

“How long have you been able to do it?” He asked suddenly. 

Calm, calm, calm. 

“I didn’t notice until after Nat saved me.” I whispered. Closing my eyes again. “We realized what had happened the first time I had a nightmare. My fear was overpowering, hers added to it. But she was a spy. She was trained to bury her emotions deep. She took her fear and pushed it into a little box in the corner of her mind and let herself exude calm. Almost immediately I calmed down. We experimented a little bit with it but . . .” 

“But it’s always been a little overwhelming.” Understanding. 

“Yeah.” 

“I . . . I don’t think it’s just you.” He started. 

Trepidation. 

“What do you mean?” I asked, concentrating on his emotions, brow furrowed. His emotions were starting to avalanche again, threatening to bury me alongside them. “Earlier . . . I think you amplified something that I was feeling.” He was starting to ramble now, but I could scarcely pay attention. Fear, anxiety, desire, lust, panic, understanding, pride, hope, anger, frustration . . . They were all swirling together . . . Attacking me from all angles, finding no peace . . . I couldn’t breathe . . . I couldn’t think . . . Curiosity . . . Judgement . . . Envy . . . Make it stop! . . . Love . . . Hope . . . Just needed . . . 

“Calm!” I screamed. 

Immediately the emotions bottled up until there was just the false sense of calm floating around my head with a twinge of concern in the corner. He was trying to box it up like I’d told him Nat had done. Boy did he need help in that department. 

I slowly came to my senses and realized my eyes were screwed shut, my hands were pressing tightly to either side of my head and I was curled in a ball on the floor. I relaxed slowly, pulling my hands from my head and looked into Bucky’s concerned, wide eyes. His chest was rising and falling as though he'd just run a marathon. I reached out a placed a shaking hand on his chest. “Calm.” I whispered again. Willing him to feel what I needed him to feel. 

He reached out and gathered me into his arms. I didn’t question it. I think we both needed the physical contact after that wild ride. Slowly his breathing evened out, but my hand remained firmly on his chest. 

We stayed that way for a long time. 

“As I was saying . . .” He finally choked out, pulling me closer to him. “I don’t think you just feel other people’s emotions.” Other emotions threatened the calm that I was feeling, and I pushed them all aside and focused on the peace, safety and calm that I felt in his arms. He shuddered. “I think you can influence other people’s emotions as well.” 

I shook my head immediately. “I’ve never done it before.” I whispered. 

I felt him kiss the top of my head. “You’re doing it right now.” 

It took a minute for his words to register. Then my eyes fell to my hand, still firmly placed against his chest and I wrenched it away as I quickly sprang to my feet. Immediately the emotions swirled around me, almost as loudly as before. It was too much for my frazzled and emotionally weary brain. I screamed again, my hands pressing down on my ears as though I could silence feelings around me, and I fell to my knees. Bucky reached for me and I slapped a hand on his bare wrist. Immediately the storm of feelings quieted. It was still there. But it was tolerable. My tear stained eyes met his wide ones. Both of our chests heaving wide gasping breaths. 

I weakly pulled him closer. He laid down on the cold floor beside me and I placed a hand on his chest again. When the emotions were once again silenced, I looked up at him. 

“You’ve got issues Big Six.” 

He just nodded and leaned his forehead against mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some chapters have just kind of . . . written themselves. This is one of them! I love it so much!


	10. In which the REAL training begins

“Y/N . . .” whispered a beautiful voice. “Y/N . . . You need to wake up. Y/N.” 

“No. . .” I moaned, rolling over. That was odd. My bed felt a lot harder than usual and I didn’t normally feel so cold in the morning. 

I reached down to try to pull my blanket back over me, but all I felt was air. What in the . . . “Y/N. It’s been four hours.” This time it wasn’t just a voice. Two hands, one decidedly colder than the other, grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little bit. Suddenly, it all came rushing back to me. The Cap’ Cave. HYDRA. The freaking emotions. Good Lord the emotions. I squeezed my eyes shut harder and the voice chuckled. “Not going to get out of it that easy doll.” 

Freaking Bucky too. I had a strong desire to roll my eyes. Once upon a time, when Nat had first brought me to the Avengers tower, I caught a glimpse of the freaking Winter Soldier just out of training. If I believed in love at first sight . . . And I most certainly DID NOT, I would have said that I’d fallen in love right there and then. What a little idiot I’d been. He was gorgeous. Sure. A woman would have to be blind not to notice it. But beneath that smoldering exterior, a sadist lay. 

I cracked my eyes open to find Bucky’s smiling down at me. Definitely a sadist. “Morning sleeping beauty. Did I wake you?” 

“Obviously.” I grunted, shaking his hands off me. I pushed myself up and took stock of my aching body. Ugh. Today was going to be a long day. Everything hurt. My body had taken a beating yesterday not just from the sparring, but from the emotional upheaval Barnes had thrust me through. I glared at him again. Freaking, FREAKING Bucky Barnes. Sleeping on the floor probably hadn’t helped. But no. I refused to believe that it was anything other than Barnes’ horrible mistreatment of my person. 

I slowly walked around the cave, stretching my sore muscles. “What time is it anyway?” I asked. 

“Midnight.” Bucky responded without hesitating. I froze and replayed his single word over and over before I was sure I’d heard correctly. There really wasn’t anyway to misinterpret that one. 

“Excuuuuse me?” I demanded, pivoting to face him. I’m not sure what, other than hellfire and damnation, was written on my face, but it was enough to but the fear of me into Bucky’s eyes. Good. 

He held up his hands and took a slow step backwards as I advanced on him. “Now hold on doll.” He said calmly. I didn’t want to hold on. Not at this moment. I wanted the gates of Hades themselves to open and sweep this son of a . . . 

“Doll!” He practically shouted. Real fear could be heard in his voice. Great. Let the jerk suffer. “Y/N! You’ve got to calm down.” 

“. . . Calm down?!” I demanded. “You want me to calm down?!” In the furthest most tucked away corner of my mind where my good sense was still peacefully sleeping, I recognized that my reaction to current events was not, exactly . . . Reasonable. But I was past caring. 

I stretched my hands out towards Bucky’s face as I advanced on him quickly. I had two seconds of warning before Bucky’s fearful eyes took on a hardened and almost remorseful tone, and then he pulled a small dagger from his boot and threw it at me. 

Instantly, all rage I’d been feeling dissipated and I stopped on a dime. My eyes were still glued to his, so I saw rather than felt the horror echoing around the room. Suddenly I felt rather like an outsider in my own body as my head moved, of its own accord, to the knife literally sticking out of my shoulder like an odd accessory. My hands, also moving of their own accords, reached up and pulled the bloody knife out of the wound. In my head, I was screaming to put pressure on the gaping, bloody wound. But my head was no longer listening to myself. Instead I just watched the blood pump from the wound with confusion. 

“You stabbed me.” I heard myself say. My voice sounded odd in my own ears. “Wow. I’ve never been fully stabbed before.” I crumpled to my knees. “Doesn’t hurt like I imagined it would.” Bucky’s head appeared over me suddenly. “Anyone ever tell you that you move faster than you should? It ain’t natural.” I commented. Bucky let out a strangled chuckle at that. 

“This is going to hurt.” He whispered, looking deeply into my eyes as he tore the shoulder of my SHIELD uniform clean off my arm. 

“I don’t fee . . . Gah!!” I screamed as he pressed the palm of his metal hand into my torn flesh. I suddenly snapped back into my body, fully in control again and immediately used my newfound freedom to reach up my free arm and slap him across the face. The pressure from his hand lessened slightly, but only for a moment.  
Then he whipped his head back to stare at me with surprise on his face. Despite the odd angle my swing had come from, I’d had enough momentum behind it to leave a beautifully shaped red handprint on his cheek. I would’ve smiled smugly if he hadn’t gone back to pushing my stab wound into the ground. 

“What on earth was that for?” He demanded. 

I turned my head to my stab wound and back at him again with accusing eyes. He had the decency to look abashed. 

“Right.” He coughed. “Right. Well . . . This is going to hurt.” He said, pulling his eyes away from mine. 

I wretched my clenched jaw open. “It already hurts you bas . . .” 

“Language.” He whispered, cutting me off distractedly. 

Suddenly I heard the sound of a machine powering up, and then without any warning Bucky’s metal hand lit up like a Christmas tree and the smell of burnt flesh filled the air. All I could do was scream. 

What felt like an eternity later, Bucky pulled his hand away and pushed himself a foot or so away from my prone body. I lay there staring up at the cave ceiling, struggling to breathe, while the pain slowly faded to just a burning throb. A stream of cuss words, some from his century, some from mine and some I’d made up just for the occasion flew from my lips. 

Bucky let out a cough that sounded like a strangled chuckle. My head twisted on the floor to meet his eyes. Maintaining eye contact, I also let out a string of the dirtiest Russian swears I knew. That wiped the grin off his face. I felt the smallest twinge of regret. That had been a low blow. We both knew where I would have learned those particular phrases and it hadn’t been in the hallowed halls of SHIELD. 

I glanced back up at the ceiling and went to my happy place as I focused on my breathing. In, out, in, out, until the pain lessened to the point that I could force myself up into a sitting position. 

“What in the Sam-hill just happened?” I finally grunted out. 

Bucky was staring at a spot just over my shoulder, completely lost in his thoughts. “Big Six?” I prompted. Nothing. “Bucky?” He snapped his head in my direction. I let out a thankful breath. I’d almost had to try my newly unlocked powers on him. 

“I’m sorry?” He asked. 

“What just happened?” 

He let out a shaky breath and looked away again. “You were pulling emotions again.” He whispered. 

I immediately started shaking my head before I recalled the recent events. I vaguely remembered noticing how much I was overreacting when I wanted to murder him for waking me up. 

“So you stabbed me?” I demanded incredulously. 

Bucky met my eyes wearily. “Those weren’t your emotions Y/N. You were drawing from me. Stabbing me would have been the only to have stopped me if roles were reversed. Trust me. I’ve been there.” 

My head bent to stare at the rocky surface of the cave, properly chagrined. His words were a bleak reminder that I wasn’t the only one who’d had little control over their own life and what had become of it. 

“I wouldn’t have done it.” I whispered. It wasn’t a condemnation. We hadn’t had much interaction, the Winter Soldier and I, but we’d experienced more together in the past day than most people experienced together in entire lifetimes. I genuinely couldn’t see myself ever pulling the trigger. No matter how far gone Bucky was. He’d been redeemed once. He could be again. 

“If it ever comes to that . . . You will.” Bucky demanded. Just like my statement hadn’t been a condemnation, his wasn’t a prediction of the future. It was a demand. I would do it. I would have to. 

He looked away to stare at the wall over my shoulder again. I took a deep breath. He was lost in thought again. I let it out slowly, willing my emotional walls to lower just a bit. Regret, pain, frustration . . . I pulled my walls back up and hung my head. I was getting soft. I sucked in another breath, grit my teeth, tucked my cauterized shoulder closer to my body, and pulled myself across the floor to his side. I was breathing hard by the time I reached him. He kept his eyes on the wall, but I could feel his attention on me. I reached out a shaking hand, and gently settled it on his chest just like I’d done a few hours ago. He sucked in a breath - the only sign that he’d noticed, but he didn’t move to remove my hand. 

I closed my eyes slowly and let him feel my forgiveness. I didn’t agree with him. And I sure as damn well wasn’t happy with the burnt hole in my shoulder. But I understood it. 

Bucky let out a choked sob and pulled his arms around me, pulling me close. “Thank you.” He breathed into my hair.


	11. In which the real sleuthing begins

“Again.” Bucky commanded. 

I grit my teeth, closed my eyes and reached out my seventh sense. “Amusement mostly. With a dash of hardened steel.” I joked, slouching slightly in the cold metal chair. 

“Again.” Bucky commanded, ignoring my comment. 

“False happiness and joy at letting me paw all over your private thoughts.” I was starting to get grumpy. We’d been training for at least five hours. It was almost six in the morning and I still had a full day of team training topside. I let the feeling fester inside me. Why me? Why now? Why him? Bucky was relentless. Frustration grew and grew, quickly becoming a literal storm inside of me. 

Bucky grunted. “Y/N! Reign it in!” He sounded angry. 

I threw my head up and stared at the cave ceiling. It had been truly awe-inspiring yesterday. But that had been almost seventeen hours ago. I was feeling decidedly less inspired after having stared at it for so long. Nevertheless, I stared at it and pulled my leaking frustration back inside of me, wrapped it tightly into a ball and put it on the metaphorical shelf inside my soul that currently housed quite a few frustration balls. I patted it once and promised to come back for it. I felt bad for whoever I got partnered with for sparring today. I had a few things to work out. 

Bucky let out a sigh of relief as the frustration was tucked away inside of me. “Again.” He said. This time it was a little gentler. 

My head flopped into my arms on the table. I groaned. “No more.” 

I could practically hear him nodding. “You’ve got to do this Y/N. You need more training. You’re leaking emotions all over the place. That’s going to tip people off.”

I stood up quickly, the legs of my metal chair scrapping loudly across the rocky floor. I threw my hands up and looked at him incredulously. “Well that’s on you Big Six!” I yelled. “I was perfectly fine yesterday. I had my walls up and intact. You didn’t see me leaking emotions all over when I kicked your butt in training.” I started pacing. “No! It wasn’t until you demanded I join your rag-tag group of P.I. Agents and broke my brain that we started having these problems. I’ll remind you that I didn’t ask for any part of this. And then you didn’t let me sleep . . . I like to sleep. If Nat was here she’d tell you. ‘Never wake a sleeping Y/N.’ She used to say. ‘You’ll get your head beaten in.’ Well guess what Big Sixer . . . You woke me up!” I sat down heavily in my chair again. “I’m just so tired.” 

Bucky walked over and pulled out a chair next to me. He held out one of his hands almost hesitantly. I glanced up at him in surprise but slowly reached out of my hands out and placed it in his. Calm permeated my soul. I breathed out a sigh of relief. “I know this isn’t easy.” He began. I closed my eyes. No, it was not. “But you really are our best bet Y/N.” He was silent for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice seemed to crack with the weight of the emotions behind it. I furrowed my brow and focused on the calm he was emitting even though it felt a little more forced than it had been a moment ago. I couldn’t deal with the weight of his other emotions right now. I truly was exhausted. 

“I think I know a little of what you went through before. With HYDRA. I know how easy it is to wall yourself off from the rest of the world. But before he left, Steve begged me not to do that anymore.” 

“I hate to break it to you Six, but you haven’t exactly been doing a bang-up job.” I said, thinking of all the times in the past seventeen hours he’d ripped all feeling from the room. 

He chuckled. “No. It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks.” I opened my eyes and met his. He was an open book for once, but my mind was too fried to truly catch any of the myriad of emotions floating through them. “I know it’s not easy to learn to trust again Y/N. Especially to trust someone with what you’re feeling. It makes you human. And there’s something safe about being . . . Less-than-human. But no matter what’s been done to either of us. Or the horrors you may have faced at the hands of HYDRA - you’re still human. So am I. Live like one.” 

“What in the hell happened here last night?!” A new voice demanded. 

I ripped my hand out of Bucky’s and turned to face Sam as he marched towards us. Horror, fear, disbelief. His emotions were hammering me. I tried to throw up my walls, but they had crumbled to dust overnight. My hands flew up to the side of my head and I seemed to burrow in on myself. 

“What . . . Happen . . . Her?” I heard only snippets of Sam’s words. 

“ . . . Need you to calm . . .” Bucky was saying. I curled deeper in on myself as the emotions grew more and more overpowering. 

Then I heard the sound of flesh on flesh and suddenly the emotions fled, and Bucky’s false sense of calm floated around me. I sighed and pulled myself into a more professional pose. “Morning Cap’n.” I croaked. 

Bucky’s head was turned in my direction, his arm raised as though he was going to slap Sam again. Sam was just staring at me. I closed my eyes wearily.  
“Let’s all just remain very, very calm.” I suggested jokingly. 

Sam recovered quickly. “So . . . I take it you two had a successful night.” He said, pulling away from Bucky and moving towards the table. I didn’t respond. 

“We learned a few things. Yes.” Bucky responded, moving closer to me. To my surprise, Bucky took the seat next to me again, sitting closer than he had been a moment before. He was doing his best to maintain the calm facade, but I still felt a trickle of protectiveness leak through. Aww. That was sweet. 

“Mm-hm.” Sam nodded. I didn’t have to open my eyes to know he was standing across from us with his arms folded. He too, was maintaining a false sense of calm. With two people in the room, both projecting a similar emotion, I was surprised to see that I could feel each of them differently. Bucky’s fake calm had a decidedly rugged feel to it. It was rawer. More jagged. Sam’s felt more like it had been prepackaged. I concentrated on that and let my mind drift off so I didn’t hear the subject change. But I sure felt it when Sam, none to gently, poked a finger into my burnt stab wound. 

Instinctively I bolted up and lashed out, swing my fist in his direction. I realized mid-swing that he wasn’t threatening me, but it was too late to stop my fist. I pulled back as much of the force as I could, but he was still going to get punched. Out of nowhere a metal hand caught my fist mere centimeters from Sam’s face. All three of us stared wide-eyed at mine and Bucky’s hands for a moment. “Anyone ever tell you that you move to fast? It ain’t natural.” I whispered, echoing my own words from last night. I pulled my fist from his hand and slowly sat back down. “That hurt.” I said, looking at Sam through narrowed eyes. 

He held his hands up and took a step back. “Sorry Sparky.” If looks could kill . . . He’d be dead. He didn’t seem fazed by his brush with death as he sat down. Bucky took the seat next to mine again. Sam nodded at my shoulder. “Get into a little sparring match while I was away?” 

I folded my arms and looked at him. Rule number one of interrogation- let the subject be the first to talk. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bucky mirror my pose. Sam looked back and forth between the two of us and sighed. “Right. Bad enough I had one. Now there are two.” He said to himself. He shook his head and looked back at us. “You’ve unlocked your powers though. Excellent. Feel like testing them out?” 

“Sure.” I replied tiredly at the same time that Bucky grit out. “No.” 

I glanced at Bucky in confusion. “Isn’t that why I’m here?” I asked. 

He nodded slowly and glanced at Sam out of the corner of his eye. “You’ve been through a lot tonight.” He whispered. My eyes narrowed. 

“So?” I demanded. Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have the day off. But mama didn’t raise no quitter and I loathed being told what I was and wasn’t capable of. 

Bucky stared into my narrowed eyes grunted. Belatedly, I realized I was leaking blinding fury. I pulled it all back in abruptly and faced Sam again. Sam had both hands braced on the table, fury leaking from every pore of his body. “What . . . The hell . . . Was that?” He demanded through gritted teeth. 

“Don’t worry about it.” I shrugged dismissively. He glared at me but relaxed his pose. 

“If I didn’t think we needed you so bad, you’d be off the mission Sparky. I may not know exactly what happened in here last night, but I know that sure as hell wasn’t me just now.” 

I shrugged and looked away, too tired to care what he thought. 

“We doing this or what?” I asked flippantly. 

Sam and Bucky exchanged a glance and nodded. “We’re doing this. But if I get even one inkling that you’re going off book . . .” 

“Yeah, yeah.” I waved a hand dismissively as I stood from my chair and moved towards the elevator. “You’ll bench me.” We both knew he wouldn’t. HYDRA wouldn’t time-out just because I was on the bench. They needed me too much. 

Before breakfast, I took a quick detour to my room to get a change of uniform. Mine was rather . . . blood stained. It wouldn’t do any good to freak the recruits out on their first real day. Besides, no sense in giving anyone a tactical advantage in broadcasting the signal that my arm wasn’t up to par today. 

Breakfast was a somber affair between the three of us. It didn’t take an empath to feel the weight of the world settled on each of our shoulders. 

“Here’s the plan.” Sam finally whispered. “Today is about team building. We’re going to pit you against almost all the new recruits. See what you can ferret out.” 

I groaned. This sounded exhausting. “Fine. But the second training is done I get to sleep for the rest of the day.” 

Sam looked at Bucky who nodded once. “Fine.” He agreed. 

We finished breakfast quickly after that and made our way to the training room from yesterday. Bucky and I stretched and he gave me a few pointers for sparring with Bear and Jackie as we waited for the rest of the team to trickle in. Just before the last new recruit showed up, Bucky pulled me aside.

“If at any point it gets to be too much, look at me and tap the side of your nose.” He said. I snorted. He grabbed my arm tightly. “I’m being serious.” He said. “If it gets to be too much, signal me and I’ll get you out of here.” 

I stared into his eyes and reached out my weary seventh sense. He was being serious. He would protect me. I nodded. I reached over and pried his hand from my arm. I gave it a small squeeze before I returned it to him. “It’ll be fine.” I whispered, smiling tiredly as I walked away. 

“You’re lying.” He whispered almost sadly.


	12. In which you make a new ally

“Alright team. Yesterday we had a chance to see what everyone was capable of against the Winter Soldier over there. But today we’re going to see what each of you is capable of together. For most ops we’re going to be a part of, you’re going to have a partner. You’ll be expected to watch. Their. Backs. Today’s training is mostly helping you find the person you’re most compatible with. We’ll be trying a few variations today, so I hope you wore comfortable clothes. Everyone clear?” 

We all nodded. “Good. I hope you read those files last night.” He glanced at me. I gave an imperceptible nod. I hadn’t read them last night per-say. But I had read them. “You’ll be using the information you found in the files to come up with the best strategies to take out your opposing team. One teammate goes down, you both fail. First on the mat are Y/N and Jackie. You’ll be fighting against Martin and Chloe.” 

Suddenly Jackie was by my side. “My lady.” He bowed and winked at me. I laughed. Let’s see what you’ve got speedster.” 

Falcon gave us two minutes to devise a strategy before the match started. Jackie and I huddled closely together. “Alright. What you got?” He asked me. I laughed again. 

“You don’t want to take the lead here Lightning?”

He shook his head. “I’m quick enough that I know who the strategist here is. Besides, you have more experience than me. I’m fresh outta training remember?” 

I nodded and put a hand on his shoulder. “Alright then. Here’s the plan. I think we both saw Martin’s skills yesterday. I’m not worried about him. Chloe’s going to be the real threat. You read her file?” He nodded. “Good. So, here’s what we’re going to have to do. You’ll take Chloe. Keep her distracted. No skin contact. I’ll take Martin. If you can keep her distracted, I can take him out before she has a chance to counter you with her powers.” Jackie nodded and raised a fist. I bumped it with my own. 

“Team speedster?” He asked slyly. 

“If I take Martin out in less than a minute . . . I don’t see why not.” I winked. 

“Time!” Falcon called. We all looked over at him. He was looking over at Martin’s team with narrowed eyes.

“Keep an eye on my back will ya? I think Martin may be up to something similar to the stunt I pulled yesterday.” 

“What makes you so sure?” Jackie asked, stretching. 

I glanced at Sam’s face again. “Just a feeling.” 

“Alright team. On one. Three . . . Two . . . One. Go!” Sam called. 

Jackie instantly disappeared and began drawing Chloe away from Martin. His sudden appearance on their end of the training field drew Martin’s attention as well. The second his gaze moved away from me, I charged. 

I was within two feet of him when his gaze switched to mine. His eyes, as always, were open books and seeing the wild emotions in his eyes reminded me what the true purpose of this training exercise was. Without thinking twice about it, I dropped the flimsy shield my focus had allowed me and faltered as I was flooded with emotions that were not my own. Hatred. White, hot, burning hatred hammered me. My focus was split in that moment and I barely noticed Martin’s hand disappearing behind his back for a moment. But my training was stronger. Just as he brought a blaster gun from behind his back and fired it at me, I side stepped. The bolt shot past me, grazing my side. I grunted. Second time in less than a day I’d been burned. 

I reached deep inside and pulled one of the many sparkling balls of frustration from my soul that I’d carefully tucked away during my training with Bucky early this morning. Using that as a focuser, I threw up another set of flimsy walls and before he could re-aim, I tackled the little idiot to the ground. The resounding crack that came from his head as it connected with the ground was grotesquely satisfying. 

“Time!” Called Sam. I sent one last murderous glare at Martin’s prone form and climbed off of him. Only my pride kept me from reaching down and punching him square across the jaw. What in the heck had I ever done to him? 

I turned and started to walk towards Sam and Bucky. I froze in step when I realized they were coming to me. Sam looked angry but Bucky looked absolutely murderous. Pain in my side. Pain in my side. Focus on that. I took a deep breath and held it. 

To my surprise, Bucky brushed right past me and pulled Martin up by the neck of his uniform. Martin yelped. “Take it easy!” He shouted, trying to pry Bucky’s grip from his front. 

Sam marched past me as well. “Take it easy?! What in the hell was that Matthews? You think teamwork involves shooting a member of yours in the chest?”  
Although my back was still turned, I could hear Martin gulp. “She’s fine.” Martin said in a much quieter voice. 

“Is she? Y/N, are you?” Sam demanded. I sent a wide-eyed look across the room at the rest of the team who looked just as surprised as I was. I turned around slowly, still focusing on the pain in my side. 

“I’m fine. Just grazed me.” I assured Sam before turning to Bucky. He was staring at me with unfathomable eyes. For just a moment, I caved to the temptation to know what he was thinking. I lessened my focus on my side for just long enough to feel him. I’d truly been expecting to feel his blinding rage. But there was nothing but panic emanating from him. I pushed my bewilderment at him. His panic lessened and his eyes softened. I focused on my side again. 

“She’s fine because she’s fast. Lucky for you. Get him out of here Bucky. Hill was the one who suggested this one for the team. I was never so sure. Should be easy to find a replacement tech expert.” 

Bucky dragged him from the room, ignoring Martin’s indignant sputters. Gale moved to follow. 

“Hold it right there Withers.” She froze. “I don’t know what’s going on between you and Matthews, but you I did pick. So I’m going to ask you. Where do your priorities lie? With a would-be traitor? Or with the Avengers?” 

Gale didn’t even pause to think. She just moved back into formation. Sam nodded. “Alright. Jackie . . . Y/N. You did well. Next up! Bear and Gale vs Gabe and Chloe. Sorry Chloe. Loser’s lot.” 

Chloe shrugged good natured. I think we were all afraid to risk Sam’s wrath after Martin’s little demonstration. 

“And no weapons!” Sam shouted. 

I walked towards the front of the room. Sam followed beside me. 

“I think I know you well enough to know that you’ll refuse if I ask you to go get that burn checked out.” Sam whispered, his lips barely moving. “But you will get that checked out sometime today. You can do it yourself or I can do it for you. I know we’re asking a lot of you, but I don’t want you taking any unnecessary risks. Understood?” With the pain from the blast already fading, my focus began to wane just enough for his sincerity to bleed through. 

“Understood.” I whispered. 

Sam nodded and moved to oversee the next round of fights. “Nice going partner!” Jackie exclaimed, fist bumping me. “Sorry I didn’t have your back.” 

I shook my head. “Barely felt it man. Besides, it happened so fast I’m not sure even you could have done anything about it.” I bumped his shoulder with my own with a smile on my face. He adopted a horrified face for a moment before he started laughing. 

“Fair enough.” 

“Begin!” Sam yelled. 

The rest of the morning passed quickly. Sam arranged us all over and over again, pitting us against one another, always in groups of two. Each time I went up against an opponent, I had to force myself to use my powers. It quickly took a toll and by the time I went up against Chloe again, I was too exhausted to pay enough attention to my surroundings. She got me. I didn’t know the ins and outs of her powers, I hoped she couldn’t actually see the horror she inflicted. For me, it was a memory more than just any ‘ol hallucination. A memory of the first time HYDRA’s ‘doctors’ experimented on me. I don’t know how long I was actually trapped in the memory, but by the time I came out of it, the whole of the team, minus Martin and Bucky, were crowded around me with concerned looks on their faces. 

My shields were completely vaporized. I had nothing left. Lucky it also seemed like I no longer had the ability to feel anything at all. I was completely hollow. That was something at least. In her defense, Chloe did look like she felt truly guilty. 

“Sorry. Y/N.” She croaked. She sounded like my throat felt. Like I’d screamed it hoarse. Actually, they all looked like hell. I glanced at Sam. He was panting heavily and was looking at me pointedly. Uh-oh. 

“It was an accident Chloe. No harm done.” I lied, letting Bear of all people pull me up. Bear tucked me into his side. I patted his arm. “Thanks big guy.” I whispered. I looked at Sam again and begged him with my eyes to let me finally go to sleep. I was done. Completely and utterly done. He seemed to get the message. 

“I think that’s it for now guys. Good work. I’ll let you know who your partners are going to be tomorrow. Until then, you’re dismissed.” 

We nodded and I thanked my lucky stars that finally. Finally! I could go to sleep. I’d never been more exhausted in my life. 

Everyone slowly filed out of the room, casting glances my way. I ignored them all. “Hate to ask you, big guy, but that last one took more out of me than I care to admit. You mind helping me to my room?” I looked up at Bear. He grunted. It sounded like an affirmative. “Thanks.” 

We slowly, and I mean slowly, moved towards the door. I guess it was too slow for Bear because before I knew it, he’d hefted me up and over his shoulder like a spy sized sack of potatoes. I chuckled in shock. 

“Treat a lady to dinner first at least.” He grunted again. This one sounded a little more embarrassed. I almost wished I could use my powers just to know what he was thinking. “Thank you.” I whispered instead. 

Bear walked in silence with me awkwardly hanging down his back. It was a surprisingly comfortable way to travel. Besides my shoulder burn thumping against his back, and my blaster burn being painfully rubbed against his massive shoulder. I was so tired, I barely felt any of it and soon enough my existing exhaustion and the steady rhythm of his steps was luring me to sleep. 

“Bear.” A sudden stern voice started me from my dozing. We were almost to my room on the other side of the tower. 

Bear grunted and moved as though he was sidestepping someone. 

“I’ve got it from here.” The voice said again. 

Bear’s grip tightened on my legs as he had a male stare-off with Bucky Barnes. The silence was lulling enough that I began to fall asleep again before Bear suddenly grunted again. With surprising tenderness for such a hulking man, he lifted me off his shoulder and deposited me on my feet next to the Winter Soldier. Bear waited until I was steady on my feet, and then he nodded once at me, again at Bucky, and turned and walked back the way we’d come. 

Bucky watched him go before he turned to me without preamble, swept me up into a bridal position in his arms and trudged the rest of the way to my room.  
“I can walk.” I muttered, against his arms, my eyes already closing of their own accord. 

“Sure you can sweetheart.” He muttered. 

My pride had a lot more energy than I did because it immediately caused me to try and push my way out of his arms. He clung all the harder to me. “Easy does it. Just stop resisting, will you? I know you can do it sweetheart. Doesn’t mean you have to.” 

I conceded his point as my door slid open. He carried me to my bed and laid me gently on it. “Get some sleep sweetheart.” He said brushing my hair out of my face with tender fingers. “You’ve earned it.” 

But I was already all-but gone. I felt him poke around the burn on my side before he dabbed something cool on it. Then I felt him pull at the neckline of my uniform and do the same to the cauterized wound there. The relief I felt was instantaneous. I hadn’t realized just how much pain I’d been in. Without the sharp sting of my wounds to keep me anchored to the waking world, I quickly slipped the rest of the way into unconsciousness.


	13. In which you and Bucky have a bit of a moment

I couldn’t tell you what the sound was exactly, but it didn’t matter. I had been a light sleeper ever since my year with HYDRA, so even the sound of a pin dropping (if the room was quiet enough to begin with), was enough to startle me. 

Before it had even fully registered that I was awake, I’d pulled my loaded gun from under my pillow and was sitting bolt-right up in bed. My heart was thudding painfully in my chest as I scanned the room for the enemy. 

“Easy doll.” Said a voice in the corner. The gun swung in its direction. I registered that it was just Bucky a moment before I pulled the trigger. I kept the gun aimed in his direction though. 

“What are you doing in here?” I demanded, keeping my finger noticeably on the trigger. 

“Just keeping an eye on you. You been asleep for awhile now. Guess we really did wear you out yesterday huh?” 

That got my attention. I let my hand with the gun fall back to the bed. “How long was I out?” I asked, ignoring his question. 

“About eighteen hours.” 

I nodded thoughtfully as I slid the gun back under my pillow and slowly climbed out of bed. I stood up and stretched before freezing. The cool air tickled my bare stomach as I raised my hands above my head. I slowly looked down at my appearance before looking back at the Winter Soldier with an accusing stare. Yesterday was a bit of a blur, but I distinctly remember being too tired to get into my pajamas. 

He was staring at my exposed midriff. I pulled my arms back down and crossed them over my chest. His eyes dragged up my form until they met mine. Then he winked. 

I rolled my eyes and moved towards the bathroom. 

“Sam was hoping you’d wake up soon.” He called after me through the closed door. “He wants to have a debrief sometime this morning before he announces team assignments.” 

I grunted around a mouthful of toothpaste. “Fuuuuun.” I muttered sarcastically. 

“I heard that.” Chuckled Bucky. 

I spit the toothpaste out and swung the door open. He was leaning on the wall just outside it. I ignored him and moved to the closet. “Turn around.” I commanded, pulling one of my quickly dwindling SHIELD uniforms off the hanger. 

He smirked at me but did as I commanded. “Won’t be anything I didn’t see yesterday doll.” 

“Doesn’t make me feel any better. Weren’t all you 1900’s guys supposed to be chivalrous gentlemen? I don’t recall any gentlemen changing a ladies clothes and tucking her into bed in any of my granddad’s old back and white films. You can turn around now.” 

He turned back towards me with a sly smile in his eye. “I’ve seen some of those old films doll. They don’t exactly paint an accurate picture of life from my time.” He raked his eyes slowly up and down my form again. “And I think it would have been a lot less chivalrous to leave you in your burnt and bloody uniform.” He frowned and took a couple large steps in my direction. I resisted the urge to back away, but only just. He had a manic look in his eye. 

He reached a hand up to the collar of my uniform, and more gently than I would have thought possible from such an intimidating man, pulled it aside to see the shoulder he’d viciously attacked yesterday. He gently ran a finger across the sensitive scar tissue that was still recovering. My eyes closed reflexively. 

“Sorry doll.” He whispered. “Did I hurt you?” His fingers pulled away. 

“No.” I breathed. If anything, it had felt . . . Good. 

His fingers traced the scar again. “It looks a lot better today than it did yesterday.” I nodded and opened my eyes. “I heal fastest when I’m asleep. I heal faster than a normal human when I’m awake. But not enough to save my life if something should go wrong.” Belatedly, I realized that I was leaning towards him, and he was leaning towards me. 

“Have you always been able to?” He asked, his voice getting huskier.

I shook my head. We were so close now the simple action made my nose brush against his slightly. “I didn’t notice it until HYDRA.” I swallowed, there was so much depth in his eyes, I felt like I was drowning and at the same time flying. “I think it’s what kept me alive while I was there.” My eyes fluttered close and I felt his lips hovering just above my own. Just a little further . . . 

“Rise and shine sleeping beauty!” Sam called. Bucky and I sprang apart like two guilty teenagers caught making out in a family friendly cheesy sitcom just as my door slid open. Using my all of my extensive training from two of the best spies that SHIELD had ever seen, I slipped on a calm expression and relaxed into a calm pose even as my thoughts were a whirling, tumbling mess on the inside. What in the heck had just happened? 

Sam glanced between Bucky and me, but if he noticed anything amiss, he didn’t comment. 

“Bucky tell you we want to have a debrief before noon?” He asked. 

I nodded. 

“Great. Let’s meet up.” He looked at me pointedly as he pulled the microchip key from his pocket and I rolled my eyes. Obviously, we were going to meet in the Cap Cave. “See you in 10.” 

Sam turned and left my room without further ado. Bucky and I stood frozen for a moment before Bucky turned to me. “Meet you down there.” He said stiffly, before inclining his head and following Sam out. 

As soon as the door slid closed, I braced my hands on my knees and let out a long shaky breath. My mind was flying a million miles an hour. It didn’t take long to put the pieces together. 

Love. I’d been feeling an awful lot of love floating around the room just now. With a good nights sleep, my walls were back up. But the full extent of my power had been unleashed yesterday. For good or for bad. With the walls up, it hadn’t been overpowering, but I’d still noticed. In fact, I could still taste the sparky flavor even though I was alone now. I hadn’t been so deprived of the emotion in my life that I failed to notice it for what it was now that it was staring me in the face. 

The question was; had it been mine? Or Bucky’s?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curse Sam and his impeccably peccable timing. I wouldn't be surprised if he was doing it on purpose.


	14. In which the debriefing is had, partners are assigned, and things get even more complicated

Sam plopped down at the table as soon as we arrived in the Cap Cave. “Alright Y/N. Let’s get right to it.” 

Bucky sat down quietly, and I did my best to avoid eye contact with him without being too obvious. I was still pondering what had happened in my bedroom and wasn’t quite sure what to think about it. 

“I don’t think I have much for you.” I shrugged, looking at Sam. 

“Martin hates me. Though I believe that much, anyone could have told you. I haven't yet figured out why. Jackie is in love with Gabe. Personal relationships aren’t usually noted in SHIELD files unless it is likely to cause problems later on, but I’d recommend getting a more thorough background check done on the both of them. The depth of Jackie’s feelings leads me to believe they’ve known each other much longer than they’ve been showing. 

“Chloe is a bit of an enigma. She has to put a lot of focus into controlling her powers. That’s almost exclusively what I feel from her. Focus. I don’t think she was entirely honest the first day about her powers.” 

“You think she could be HYDRA?” Sam asked, sitting up straighter. 

I shook my head. “No. But she’s hiding something. I think that she might not actually have to make skin-to-skin contact for her powers to work. That would explain her intense focus at least.” 

“That could complicate things. Her file was . . . Brief in terms of technicalities for her abilities.” Bucky said. I nodded in agreement but stared at the floor as though deep in thought. “For all we know, she could be manipulating reality right now.” 

I shook my head. “I would feel it. It feels different.” 

“How can you be sure?” Sam asked. 

She touched me the other day, remember? In training. She pulled a memory out of my head instead of fabricating a hallucination. She was genuinely apologetic after the fact. I didn’t notice at the time because . . . Well . . . The raw emotion of everything pulled my attention away. But looking at it now I can tell you that the fear I felt when I was in the memory hallucination was fabricated. Still terrifying. Don’t get me wrong. But there was something . . . I don’t know . . . Off about it.” 

“So, you’d recognize if she was tampering with reality.” 

I nodded. “I’m sure of it." 

“Well. That’s something at least.” Sam murmured. 

“Speaking of off, Gale is . . .” I trailed off, not really sure how to finish the sentence. 

“She is . . . ?” Prompted Sam. 

I threw my hands up shook my head. “It’s almost like she’s not actually feeling her emotions. Like . . . Like someone has been telling her what to feel and how to feel it this whole time. She’s in there. But it’s almost like I’m looking through foggy water, trying to see the sea floor underneath.” 

Sam and Bucky glanced at each other and then back at me. “What do you suppose that means?” Bucky asked. 

I shook my head. “I haven’t the foggiest.” I chuckled. Sam had the gall to roll his eyes at me. Whatever. I crack myself up. 

“What about Bear and Gabe?” 

“They’re both harder to read.” 

“Well that doesn’t surprise me where Bear is concerned. But Gabe? He seems like an open book.” Sam said. 

I furrowed my brow and looked at the floor in earnest this time. “I don’t know about that one. Maybe I just need to spend more time with him?” 

Sam nodded. “Alright.” He thought for a moment. “Okay. Here’s the plan. Martin is going to be . . . Occupied.” He glanced at Bucky as he said this. Bucky shrugged nonchalantly, but there was vitriol in his eyes. “He was mostly hired to be our eyes and ears in the field anyway so he doesn’t necessarily need field training . . . So we are going to assign partners this way. Gale and Chloe. That way Bucky or I can keep a close eye on those two. You and Gabe, but just to start with. Leaving Bear and Jackie together. We will switch you and Jackie once you’ve had enough time to get a better read on Gabe.” He moved to stand, nodding his head as though everything had been settled. Suddenly, he froze, mid-stand. “I’ve been around the block a few times with your mom Sparky. So, I feel a need to emphasis that this is a recon mission only. If you catch wind that any of these guys are HYDRA, you book it out of there, come get Bucky or I and then we will deal with it. Got it?” 

I knocked my heels together like Dorothy in the wizard of oz and mock saluted him. “Sir, yes sir!” I called. Sam sighed. We both knew I was going to do what I felt was best. 

“Let’s get on with it then.” He said, walking towards the elevator doors. 

I smirked at his retreating back and then followed quickly behind. Just before I reached him, I felt Bucky’s hand on my arm, pulling me back just long enough to whisper; “We need to talk.” before moving to join Sam at the elevators as though nothing had happened. Greeeeaaaat. 

“. . . Alright team. You know your assignments. Let’s get to work!” Sam called. Gabe turned my way and sauntered over. I put on a fake smile and moved to meet him. 

“Hey darling.” He said, pulling me in for a hug. I awkwardly patted him on the back and tried not to grimace. I wasn’t really big on the physical contact. Not since HYDRA. My nose twitched. 

“Gabe.” I said curtly, pulling away. 

“I’m glad I got paired with you.” He said. “It’ll be nice to have a chance to observe your style personally.” His smile could light the streets of New York City for a month. My nose twitched again. 

“Thanks. I’m excited to see what you can do with that jumping ability you have.” 

Gabe threw back his head and laughed. For the briefest of moments, I felt a false sensation behind it before I . . . what was I doing again? 

“It’s more than just being able to ‘leap tall buildings in a single bound’!” He said in a deep, old-timey voice. “Come on. You’ll see!” He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a corner of the room. 

My mind strained against the feeling that I was forgetting something important. My brows furrowed as I desperately tried to recall whatever it was that I’d forgotten.  
Completely oblivious to my mental anguish, Gabe pulled me over to the wall and gestured to it grandly. “Watch this!” Without further ado, he jumped into the air and angled his feet towards the wall. Right when I was sure he was about to fall into an undignified heap on the floor, his feet made contact with the wall and suddenly he was standing horizontally. He walked up the wall and back down the wall, sauntering all the way. “Huh? What do you think?” He asked, smirking. “Pretty impressive?” 

I let go of the feeling I was missing something obvious and nodded. “Not bad, Superman. Could you pull me up the wall?” 

He frowned, but something slightly darker crossed his expression as well. My nose twitched again. Alright. Was I allergic to something in here?! His expression suddenly cleared, and he smiled down at me. “I’m afraid I can only maintain the effect on myself.” He jumped from the wall and landed in front of me. He reached out a hand and I watched in horrified fascination as time seemed to slow and his hand moved to cup my cheek almost lovingly. 

The shock I felt at such a brazen demonstration dropped my walls faster than anything else I could have done on my own. The shock, or maybe it was the physical contact, also seemed to take a microscope to the emotions swirling in the room and honed in on the man before me. Falsehood. Lies. Deception. Charisma. Pride. Duty. Obligation. Blind loyalty and devotion. I froze. I hadn’t felt such a putrid combination since Nat had brought me here. 

Time once again seemed to slow. I had less than a second to pull it all back in before I started leaking emotions. I couldn’t let Gabe know I was on to him. For once it seemed like a good idea to follow the leader on this one. 

Faster than I ever had before, I pulled all the emotions beginning to leak from me, back inside. So panicked was my retrieval, though, I pulled more than just mine back inside. 

I felt, rather than heard, Bucky grunt and stumble forward as his own jumbled mess joined mine. 

Suddenly, time sped back up and everything slammed into me all at once. I pulled away from Gabe quickly and staggered backward, before landing squarely on my rear with a surprised “oomph.” As I gripped my walls with both hands and yanked them hastily back up, I felt a faint trickle of pride from Gabe. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He thought I’d fallen for his charm like the hundreds of men and women before me. What a tool. 

Bucky was beside us in seconds. His arms were crossed over his broad chest and he was glaring down at Gabe with a ferocity I’d never seen before. Even with my walls up, and firmly in place, his emotions were pouring into me. Protectiveness. Worry. Jealousy. Ohhhhh . . . this morning in my room . . . 

I gasped. Bucky turned his eyes to meet mine for just a moment. His own eyes widened. I sure my face was an open book. I knew. And he knew I knew. For a second I could see the debate rage within himself as he started to pull his own emotions back in. But in the end, he let go and let me feel all of it. 

Gabe and the rest of the room disappeared. It was just the two of us. Without him reigning in his emotions, I felt it all. I’d never felt so . . . Cherished before.  
It was a new love. A budding kind of love. But from the depth that I could already feel, it was going to be magnificent. 

Gabe cleared his throat and the spell was broken. Bucky’s eyes grudgingly left mine but not before promising to pick all of this back up later. 

“Did you need something?” Gabe asked, somewhat condescendingly. I didn’t know how, but whatever spell or damper or whatever Gabe had cast over my mind was gone. I’d seen his true colors and now his soul was laid bare. His words were courser, and his expression much, much darker now that I was paying close attention. I glanced around the room. No one else seemed to notice the change in him. In fact, most of the team looked positively enthralled. Even Bucky seemed to be having a hard time remaining mad at him. I needed to talk to Sam and Bucky about this. But first, I needed to get away from the slimeball.


	15. In which jealousy abounds

I reached up, grabbed hold of Bucky’s bent elbow, and pulled myself up. The action seemed to remind him that I was there. He looked my way again. Once he was no longer looking at Gabe, his took on an angry look again. Curious. What kind of power did Gabe have exactly? 

I shook my head slightly and winced dramatically, trying to communicate without words what I needed him to do. Bucky took everything in stride. 

“Nothing is wrong Bryant.” He said, moving his head to look at Gabe again. No! I squeezed his elbow as hard as I could. His head swung back to face mine and I shook my head as surreptitiously as I could. A question lit up his eyes and I moved a hand slowly to my chest and acted as though I was having a hard time breathing. The message was as clear as I could make it. I’d felt something. His eyes lit up in understanding and then took on a hardened steel look. My suspicious behavior was no doubt easy to translate now. I’d found the mole. 

“You sure?” Gabe asked, crossing his arms over his chest and glancing between me and Bucky suspiciously. I leaned more heavily on Bucky’s arm as I lowered my walls. Did Gabe suspect we knew? 

“You overwork yourself Sparky?” A new voice called, coming up to us. I ignored him as I focused on Gabe. Pride. Pride. Pride. I sighed in relief and threw my walls back up. 

“Course not Cap.” I said sassily, pulling away from Bucky and glancing at Sam. He met my eyes with a knowing look. Good. I wasn’t really up for another round of spy charades. “Just lost my breath a little is all.” 

Sam shook his head. “Maybe we should mix up the teams a little then. Don’t recall seeing you do anything strenuous Sparky. Can’t have you going all googly-eyed on mission. O’Connell! You’ll be with Bryant here. Sparky, let’s see what kind of mischief you and Bear can get into.” 

My eyes narrowed further and further the longer Sam talked. I was going to kill him. 

He seemed almost amused by my threatening gaze. Maybe I wouldn’t kill him. But I could make him wish he’d never been born. It was child's play to get in and out of his room without being seen. I’d done it more than once when I’d been snooping around, trying to find Captain America’s shield so I could test drive it. All I needed now was to beg Banner to make me some itching powder. No. That was juvenile. Banner was sure to have much more fun toys in that lab of his. And I liked to think he had a soft spot for me. 

I silently promised myself sweet, sweet revenge before I sent one last dirty look Sam’s way and marched towards Bear on the opposite side of the training room.  
“Alright people! Nothing to see here! Let’s keep this show on the road!” Sam called. Immediately everyone else turned to their partners and began training again. Bucky grabbed Sam’s arm and pulled him from the room. My seething anger towards the team leader went with them. I was all sunshine and rainbows as I sauntered up to Bear and smiled. 

“You miss me Big guy?” I asked sweetly, staring up into his expressionless eyes. 

He grunted. 

“Sounds an awful lot like a yes to me.” I said. I propped my hands up under my chin and smiled at him. “Aww. Missed you too. I was secretly hoping we’d be partners ya know.” I winked at him. Truly, I didn’t know what it was. But something about Bear just put me at ease. 

“Alright Big Guy. Best get down to business and do what Cap’n my Cap’n asked.” I rubbed my hands together, a devious grin splitting my face. “Let’s make some mischief together.” 

By the end of the hour, Bear and I had come up with several team moves we could use on various enemy forces. I had tried using my powers on him a few times during the day, but I was frustrated to find nothing. Not a single thing. Briefly I felt as though I’d perhaps broken them when I’d used them to bust through Gabe’s façade. But then I felt Gale’s pain from across the room when Chloe had accidentally grazed her skin and I knew that it was just something about Bear. 

Maybe that’s what made me feel so comfortable around him. I didn’t have to feel anything other than what I was feeling. Amazing what you can take for granted.  
Bucky and Sam had returned only a few minutes after they’d left. I didn’t look their way, so focused was I on my training with my new partner. But I could feel Bucky’s eyes on me for the rest of the hour. Every now and again I would feel another zing of jealousy shoot through me. I was getting better at recognizing when the emotions I was picking up on were and weren’t my own. The jealousy was most definitely Bucky’s. The warmth that shot through my heart after the jealousy. Well . . . That was most definitely my own. It was exhilarating in a way. I’d never before felt such an intense need for someone else. But it was also terrifying. I’d never before needed someone so much. 

“Alright team! Good work for today. I’m going to call it. I know we haven’t spent a lot of time together yet, but I just got a call from Director Hill. She’s got a mission for us. The Avengers themselves never got better training than real life training in the field. I’m going to assume the same goes for us. Files are being sent to your room. Read up on them. Mission debrief at 0600 hours tomorrow.” Sam said. 

I looked up at Bear and grinned. “So Big Guy, wanna grab some dinner?” I asked, smiling at him almost seductively. “We can even practice our words.” Bear’s lip twitched up in a barely there smile. “Ah-ha!” I nearly screamed. He didn’t jump. “You do smile.” I said in a much more appropriately volumed voice. 

Bear opened his mouth to respond and I leaned forward on eager toes. “Maybe next time doll. We need to talk.” Bucky said suddenly. Bear looked from me to Bucky and back again before he did something entirely unexpected. Bending down to my height and leaning forward, his face got close enough to my own that I knew my head was blocking his from Bucky’s line of sight. Then . . . He smiled. A full on, eye crinkling smile. I gasped. He pulled back just as suddenly as he leaned in and walked away without a backward glance. Bucky grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the opposite door as my mouth gaped open at the giant of a man behind us.  
Bucky pulled me quickly through the maze of hallways and towards a door I knew from personal experience was a utility closet with an excellent air vent access hatch. He threw the door open and in a contradiction of terms, gently shoved me into the room before wedging himself in behind me and shutting the door firmly behind him. 

I leaned against the back wall, my arms crossed over my chest, as he stared stonily down at me. When I could no longer take the silence, I spoke. 

“You rang?”


	16. In which you're once again interrupted

Bucky continued to stare at me. It amazed me that I had once thought of Bucky as the perfect assassin. Never one to feel. Never one to let anyone else know what he was thinking. But he was in a constant state of emotional upheaval. Maybe it was just with me. Maybe I brought it all out in him. But even without my powers I would be able to see his conflict. The eyes are the window to the soul after all. And Bucky’s eyes oozed emotion. 

Most prevalent among the feelings filtering through his eye-windows was that budding love I’d felt from him earlier. Though a novice to such strong emotions myself, tenderness crept into my long-frozen heart. It had been a long time since I’d let anyone into my heart. Granted, it had been all of three days. But like I’d said before, we’d experienced more in our few days together than most people had in entire lifetimes together. And I felt him. How could I not feel my own heart stirring towards the man who was so protective of me. Who felt so much for me? 

I don’t know who moved first. Perhaps I’d been leaking emotion again, or maybe I’d just picked up on his. Either way, almost in the time it took to blink, Bucky had me pulled flush against his chest, his arms wrapped around my back. He leaned his head down towards mine. Without thinking, I leaned my head up to meet his, my eyes sliding shut of their own accord. 

“Barnes!” Shouted Sam in Bucky’s earpiece. I was close enough to hear everything clear as day. Bucky groaned and leaned his forehead heavily against mine. “We need to talk about this.” He murmured, pulling back and placing a light kiss against my forehead. 

“What?!” He demanded. 

“You find Sparky yet? We need to talk.” 

I rolled my eyes. Everyone wanted to ‘talk’ all the sudden. I missed the good ol’ days of last week. No one wanted to ‘talk’ to me then. 

“We’re on our way.” Bucky said through gritted teeth. “I’m gonna kill him.” 

“Get in line.” 

Bucky wrapped his arms around me again. That’s all it took to start the warm feeling flooding my veins as though it had never stopped. I wasn’t ready to say the words . . . heck I wasn’t ready to even think the words. But I was well on my way to . . . Developing . . . Certain . . . Feelings. He pulled me close and tucked my head under his chin. 

“When this is all over, I really do want to talk to you.” He whispered. I closed my eyes and listened to his heart pound against his chest. He voice got even quieter. So quiet, in fact, I wasn’t sure I was even meant to hear it. “I’ve waited a long time for someone like you doll.” 

Bucky squeezed me tightly to his chest once, and then he let go and awkwardly pulled the door open and leaving the closet. I waited till he gave me the go-ahead before following him out into the hall. Back to business.


	17. In which we do, indeed, get back to business

Bucky and I moved quickly, but quietly, back through the maze of hallways and to the secret elevator. “We really need to find another way to communicate.” I muttered as Bucky pulled his chip from his pocket and summoned the elevator. “This is incredibly inconvenient.” Bucky just smiled. 

Eventually we got back down to the Cap Cave. 

“’Bout time!” Sam called from the table. “I was about to send out a search party.” I rolled my eyes but ducked my head. Was I blushing? 

Bucky and I took our usual seats at the table and I didn’t wait to start. “I don’t know about the rest of them. I still haven't been able to read Bear. Though I would like to state, for the record, I trust him.” Bucky tensed beside me. I ignored it. 

“Whoever else might be involved, Gabe is definitely HYDRA.” 

I sat back in my chair and braced myself. I wasn’t sure what kind of magic or superpower Gabe had, but it was clearly able to influence people. I wasn’t exactly sure how accusing him was going to play out. I didn’t imagine it would be in my favor. 

“What makes you say that?” Sam asked. I assessed him curiously for a moment. He didn’t seem offended that I would dare impugn the name of pretty-boy. That was a good sign. He mostly just seemed curious. Likely he wanted to be sure before we went around accusing people of being the enemy. Fair enough. 

“Every time he opened his mouth, there was an inkling that something wasn’t right. Like I was being influenced. It wasn’t till he touched my cheek . . .” Bucky metal fist clenched so tightly, the sound of metal scraping against metal filled the cavern. I stared at his hand as I finished my sentence. “. . . that . . . I don’t know. Whatever magic or power or whatever he was using to influence me was pushed aside and I felt everything in a real, raw way.” 

“What exactly did you feel?” Bucky demanded. 

I rolled my eyes. “Let’s just say that the last time I felt such a combination of emotions was when I first gained the power to feel them in the first place.” 

Silence echoed through the room as we were all pulled into our separate worlds. The implications were clear. In my mind at least. Theoretically Gabe could be a lone agent in SHIELD. But with his dark magic, there was no telling how many people he could influence to do HYDRA’s bidding. 

“You said that Gale’s emotions felt like she was being influenced.” Sam said, breaking through my thoughts. 

I nodded. 

“Is it possible that Gabe is the one influencing her?” 

I thought about it for a moment. “Maybe? This is as new to you as it is to me. I haven’t exactly pulled these shiny new powers out to play with since I got them. Your guess is as good as mine.” 

Sam nodded and looked at Bucky. “I guess . . . for now . . . we continue on as though nothing is amiss. We need to figure out a way to tell who exactly is being influenced by Gabe and exactly how far-reaching his power is.” 

“Maybe you should talk to Banner.” I suggested. “He’s been holed up in the lab working on Quantum Mechanics for too long. He could use a new, more obtainable challenge.” 

Sam nodded. “Yeah. I think I’ll do that. In the meantime, Y/N, you need to prep for tomorrow.” He stood up looking like he wanted to say more. Instead he nodded at me and then at Bucky before moving towards the elevators. 

I stood and stretched. “Have you read the mission file yet?” I asked Bucky as soon as Sam was gone. 

He shook his head. “I’ve been busy keeping an eye on you.” 

It was said so casually, one might not have noticed the heat in his tone. But I felt it. I turned to look at him and he was staring at me out of the edge of his eyes. I grinned. 

“Is that so?” I asked slyly, moving to stand in front of him. “Need babysitting do I?” 

He reached his hands out and tugged on my hips till I was close enough that our knees touched. He looked up at me with a smile that literally took my breath away.   
“I don’t think you need anyone to keep an eye on you doll. But I’m more than happy to volunteer. I solemnly swear to keep both eyes on you all day, every day.”   
I smiled and let the crack that he’d been worming his way through in my heart expand even further. I leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his forehead in the exact same place I’d done it only a few days ago when we’d sparred. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Solider.” I laughed, pulling away from him and moving towards the elevators myself. 

“Don’t bet against the house!” He called as the elevators slid shut behind me. 

A smile lit up my face the whole ride back to the surface. For the first time since mom died, hope flared up within me. Maybe, I really did still have a future after all.   
The smile was still lighting up my face as the elevator doors slid open and I came face-to-face with an expressionless Bear. 

“We need to talk.” He said.


	18. In which things take a turn

The smile on my face changed from sincere and perhaps a little smitten to false and nervous in seconds flat. “Talk about what Big Guy?” I asked nonchalantly, squeezing past him and into the hallway. 

Bear wasn’t buying it. Without warning, he grabbed my arm and started pulling me down the hall. I dug my feet into the carpet. “What the heck do you think you’re doing mister?!” I yelled, trying to pry his fingers from my wrist. He stopped so quickly, I plowed into his back. He released his grip on my arm. “Than . . .” I didn’t get to finish before he’d spun around, gripped my waist, and thrown me over his shoulder. I wasn’t as grateful this time as I had been the last time. 

“Put me down!” I yelled, pounded his back. He didn’t even seem fazed. I reached a hand back towards one of the pockets on my belt, but his free hand reached up and caught it. 

“Don’t.” Was all he said. 

I blew my hair out of my face and settled in for the ride. One way or another, men were going to stop manhandling me. Except Bucky. He could manhandle me anytime. 

Bear marched purposefully down the hallway. I quit struggling and tried to enjoy the ride. My gut was still telling me I should trust this behemoth of a man. Even in spite of my kidnapping. 

Bear came to a stop a few hallways over and opened a door. Without preamble, he pulled me off his shoulder and shoved me inside. I turned and found myself in a supply closet. Great. At least size wise I got an upgrade this time. I had space to breath at least. 

Bear closed the door behind him and towered over me. I marched over to a file cabinet and quickly climbed on top. I crossed my legs and settled in. At least we were eye level now. I wasn’t feeling particularly clever at the moment, so I settled for my earlier retort. 

“You rang?” 

Bear grunted and continued to look intimidating. 

I looked up at the ceiling and sighed in exasperation. “Why are all the men in my life such talkers?” I questioned the ceiling. 

Bear let out a breath of air that sounded vaguely like a chuckle. I looked back down at him. 

“Listen Big Guy. It’s been a long couple of days and every sign is pointing to a long tomorrow too. So either . . .” 

“I know.” He said gruffly. I paused. 

“Well I would hope you do Big Guy. Sam would be livid if you’d forgotten about our first big mission already.” I moved as though I was going to hope of the file cabinet. “Good talk. See you at 0600 tomorrow.” 

“No.” He said, setting a big hand on my knee and keeping me in place. I met his eyes. “I know about you.” 

Well crap. That couldn’t be good. 

“. . . about me and the air vents? Yup! Sure do love a good sneak and listen. I could teach you if you like, but I think you might have a hard time . . .” 

Bear listened to me ramble for a moment before reaching out his hand and placing it lightly on my chest. I closed my eyes. Busted. 

“How long?” I croaked, eyes still shut. 

He removed his hand. “Yesterday. Felt you in here.” I opened my eyes and he’d put his hand on his own chest. I winced. 

“I’m sorry. I know that technically it was an invasion of privacy . . . but not really . . . because I didn’t feel anything from you anyway . . . and so really . . . if you think about it . . . I mean, technically it’s your fault.” 

I rambled. Good gravy. Nat would be ashamed. I sure hope my gut was right. Otherwise I’d spilled an awful lot to a guy I didn’t actually think I could take in a fair fight. 

Bear grunted in disbelief. “I don’t know how it’s your fault exactly! Gimme a minute!” 

I flexed my fingers and stared around the room, looking for some kind of visual aid. “It’s your fault because . . . it is.” I said finally. “Sucks to be you.” 

His lips turned up for the second time today. “You don’t seem as upset as someone who’s wholly to blame for this mess should be.” I noted. Rule number three of spy work. When in doubt – deflect it out! 

Bear grunted again. “Well you should be.” I huffed, looking up at the ceiling vent. It was too far to reach from here. Bear might be slower than me, but he could cover more ground. I didn’t like my odds of getting away fast enough. 

“You didn’t feel anything from me?” He asked in his gruff voice. 

“Nope. Nada. Not. A. Thing.” 

He grunted. 

“Don’t think you can doubt me there Big Six. Can’t tell me what I’ve been feeling.” 

He gestured around the room. “How much have I actually said since we got here?” 

I did a bit of a double take as I replayed our conversation from the elevator to the room. He was right. He’d hardly said anything. Mostly he’d just grunted like some kind of prehistoric caveman. My wide eyes met his knowing ones. 

“Holy crap Big Guy. I can read your mind!” 

The self-satisfied smile dropped from his face almost instantly. He started to shake his head. I did a little jig on top of the file cabinet just because I knew it would annoy him. Had to do something to feel in control of the situation again. “Now to decide if I’ll use my powers for good or for evil!” 

He reached up and placed a paw over my mouth. I nodded. “Shut up.” I said against his hand. “Gotcha.” 

He removed his hand and wiped it on his pants. I glared at him. 

“You’ve been looking for something.” He said. Right to the point this one. I liked it. 

I shrugged. 

He folded his arms across his chest. “You’re doing something on the side.” He muttered, more to himself than to me. “You’re good. But careless.” 

I glared again. 

He turned to me. “I will help you.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“I will help you find what you’re looking for.” He said firmly, nodding once as though that settled it. 

“Why?” 

“I trust you.” He said without hesitation. “I think you trust me too.” 

I nodded slowly. 

“We make a good team.” He continued. “I will help you.” 

We stared at each other for a moment. His eyes seemed to dare me to reach out with my power and test him. So, I did. Once again, I didn’t really feel anything. Then he grunted and I knew. I could trust him. I didn’t know why. Probably wasn’t smart. But I trusted him. 

“Alright Big Guy. I’m in. But I’m not telling you anything else. You already know too much.


	19. In which you read the mission brief

Bear and I parted ways shortly after his little announcement in the closet. We both seemed to be aware that it was neither the time nor place to work on the top secret side project. We needed to focus in on Hill’s assignment. Bear had been waiting for me by the elevator for awhile apparently. He’d had time to read the mission file was he was waiting. From his grunts, it seemed like we really were in for a world of hurt. 

I reached my room and locked the door behind me. I wasn’t really in the mood for company at the moment. I was in pre-mission mode. 

“FRIDAY. Access Mission Brief; New Avengers.” 

“Accessing Mission Brief.” 

The air in front of me lit up as files, photos and blueprints appeared in the thin air. I flicked through a few of the files before I found the one I was looking for. 

I quickly skimmed over the pertinent information. We were going to be infiltrating a known HIVE headquarters and we would be focusing on crippling the network from the inside. It was up to us how we wanted to do it. The specifics would no doubt be decided in tomorrow’s briefing. The main objective of the mission was to kill all combative personnel and capture anyone willing to talk. The secondary objective was to hack into HIVE’s mainframe and steal any and all valuable information before we blew the place to kingdom come. 

I had a sinking feeling I knew who was going deepest into the bowels of the place. 

This wouldn’t be my first HIVE rodeo. Nat hadn’t known at the time, but I’d been one of the best junior agents during the hey-days of the Avengers. JARVIS and later FRIDAY didn’t get all their information for free after all. I developed a reputation for being able to get sensitive information on the fly. If I was taking on this mission before everything had gone to hell in a handbasket I would have had much fewer doubts. 

But things had gone to hell in a handbasket. Much more so for me recently. HIVE was, as the word implied HIVE-minded. It’s one thing to block out emotions when you can focus on one at a time or the one’s that you’re feeling. But even before Bucky and Sam had blown my powers wide-open, I’d been susceptible to the HIVE emotion. It was like having one emotion played on one hundred megaphones all with a fraction of a second delay. 

I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head. There was no use dwelling on them now. Besides, I had my training to help me through. I would be fine. Wouldn’t I? 

I spent the rest of the evening reviewing every scrap of information we had for the mission. Nat had drilled into me the importance of always trusting my gut. And in this case it was screaming at me that this was a bad idea. I just couldn’t figure out exactly why. 

The next morning, I woke early with an antsy feeling still rooted firmly in my gut. I took extra care in selecting my uniform today. I chose the uniform Nat had gotten me for my first ever solo mission. Not that I’d exactly been solo. She’d tailed me until I’d finished. I pulled the material to my face and breathed deeply. It didn’t smell like her. But for a minute I let myself pretend that it did. 

I shook myself from my reprieve and started dressing. The great thing about the uniform was its many hidden pouches and pockets. Perfect for storing all manner of spy accessories and weapons. I had a feeling I was going to need all the help I could get today. It also came with patented Stark camouflage technology. With any luck, I would be able to blend in seamlessly with the HIVE-minds. 

I made my way down to the conference room, opting to take the hallways instead of the air vents. I arrived just after Sam and Bucky. 

Bucky looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep last night. I unconsciously started reaching for him, intent on rubbing away the dark bags under his eyes. I caught myself before Sam noticed. Bucky had though. His eyes softened when they met mine but the slight smile he offered didn’t reach his eyes. Fear. Anxiety. Downright terror. All of it flowed into me. I wasn’t the only one apprehensive about this one. 

For some reason, that didn’t make me feel better. 

Everyone else filed into the room not long after I did. Martin was last to arrive. He was sporting quite the bruiser and his arm was in a sling. His injuries did nothing to calm the seething hatred I saw in his gaze. I glanced accusingly at Bucky. He seemed to be avoiding eye contact. 

Sam wasted no time. Tension was high as he outlined the plan. “Alright everybody. Listen closely. 

“There are two main entrances to the HIVE base. Here and here.” He said, gesturing to the glowing 3D map in the middle of the table. We have reason to believe there are one or more hidden tunnels under the base that they could use to escape if anyone sounds the alarm. O’Connell, you and Bryant are on those. Hope your gravity defying ability helps you keep up with the quickster.” He nodded at Gabe. 

“Chloe and Gale. You two are on guard duty. I know we haven’t given you a lot of time to practice using your powers together as a unit, but I saw what you were able to do yesterday and I think we have a shot. Gale, you’ll use your portals to get Chloe close enough to touch the guards. How long can you keep them down Chloe?” 

“I can only promise ten minutes.” 

“Okay. Then ten minutes it is. Everyone got that?” 

We all nodded. 

“Good. Barnes and I will watch your backs and take out any runaways we come across. That leaves Sparky and Bear.” 

He turned to face me. “You know what you have to do?” He asked grimly 

I nodded. 

“In and out.” He said. “No heroics.” That last part was for my ears. I didn’t bother sassing him. He was being serious. And so was I. There was a time and a place for sass. This wasn’t it. 

“Martin cooked up a little something for you to use on the HIVE computers.” He said. I faced Martin who was scowling at me. He threw something at my face with his good hand. I caught it easily. It looked like an inconspicuous USB drive. I looked back at him. 

“Plug it in. I’ll get the files from here. You get out.” Was all he said. I nodded and tucked the drive into one of my pockets. 

“I can’t stress enough how important it is that we keep a low profile on this one. One wrong move and we’re all history. HIVE doesn’t mess around. Got it?” 

We nodded again. “Get what you need. We leave in 30.” 

Everyone filed out of the conference room. I stood with the intention of pulling Bucky aside. I didn’t get the chance. 

“Y/N. You brief Bear on your end of the op.” Sam said, leaving the room. “Remember. No. Heroics.” 

I sighed and rubbed my chest. Something still felt foreboding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news! I finished writing it last night. I can't believe it's almost over! Well . . . by almost I mean we have 7 chapters and a small epilogue to go. I have a little bit of editing to do but at least now you can count down with me.
> 
> This chapter was a little boring to write truth be told. But it's aaaaall fluff and action from here.


	20. In which things are left unspoken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluuuuuff!

Bear and I finished our separate debrief with five minutes to spare. I had wanted to talk to Bucky before the mission, but it seemed like bad timing was our destiny. 

Oh well. There would always be time later . . . Right? 

Bear and I marched purposefully to the Helideck. Sam was standing by the door as we entered. The rest of the team was busy loading equipment into the plane. Bear quickly moved to help them. Sam held out an arm when I moved to follow him. 

“Barnes is missing.” He whispered. “I can’t get him on the comm’s. Think you can find him?” 

“Do Falcon’s have wings?” I chuckled. Sam rolled his eyes and folded his arms. “On it. Sheesh.” I turned and headed back out the way I’d come. 

If I was an ex-HYDRA, ex-Russian assassin/ gun for hire . . . where would I go? 

A wild, crazy and somewhat reckless idea popped into my head. Instinctively I went for the nearest air vent. I pulled myself inside and took a deep breath. 

Emotions are fascinating things. I’d learned that in the past few days. No two people ever feel a single emotion in the same way. Everyone feels things so differently, in fact, that by concentrating on the ‘feel’ of someone’s emotions, I felt certain I could track the person down. Assuming they were close enough. 

I reached inside and ‘felt’ for Bucky. The rougher, rawer sense of his feelings. The broken jagged edges that made the feelings all the more potent. The darkness that was always there in the background but was slowly being drowned out by the light he’d come to embrace. 

Slowly a picture started to emerge in my mind and there! Bucky was in the armory. 

I let out a deep breath and opened my eyes, a wide grin on my face. I hadn’t actually expected that to work. 

I crawled quickly through the maze of vents that I knew better than my own reflection. It didn’t take long to reach the armory. I popped the vent open and fell through it. 

Bucky’s back was to me. He was facing a wall of weapons pulling anything and everything within reach and strapping it to himself. His motions were quick and controlled. Almost surgically precise. He hardly seemed to notice he was already armed to the teeth. 

“Bucky.” I whispered, taking a step closer. The slightest of tremors in his movements was the only sign he’d heard me. His uniform was so padded with clips, guns and knives that I wouldn’t be surprised if he was nearly bullet proof. 

I took another step forward. “Bucky.” I tried again. He slammed his hands down on the metal table and I flinched instinctively. After the ringing in my ears died down, I opened my mouth to try again. 

Before I could say anything else, Bucky had spun around, grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me closer to him. With his hard eyes staring into mine, he once again adopted his surgical movements as he began pulling my weapons from my holsters and double checked everything. 

I stared at him as he finished checking the weapons already strapped to my person and began pulling more weapons from the wall and finding the various hidden holsters and pouches that I hadn’t already filled with weapons. At first his motions were as surgical and precise as they had been at the beginning. But slowly, his movements took on a more seductive feel. His hands slowing as they brushed my side, his eyes tracing my lips as he strapped another dagger around my thigh. 

Finally, both his hands wrapped under my arms and around my back as he slipped a dagger from his own belt into a sheath on my back. He’d stepped closer to facilitate that movement. The tips of our toes touched as his arms pulled me closer to him. His forehead leaned down to meet mine. A tremor wracked his body. 

Fear. Paralyzing fear. 

I squeezed my eyes shut and reached up a shaking hand. I placed it on his chest and let determination flow from my fingertips. I couldn’t give him comfort I didn’t feel so I sent the next best thing through him. Determination. Come what may, we weren’t going down without a fight. 

He let out a shuddering sigh. He pulled his arms from around my waist and reached up to cup my face. He leaned in and pressed the lightest of kisses to my lips before leaning his forehead against mine again. 

Grudging acceptance. He didn’t like it. But this was the life we’d both chosen. Or rather, been thrust into. 

I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tightly for a moment longer. I didn’t want this moment to end. But all moments must end eventually. 

I squeezed him tightly one last time and then I pulled away. We looked into each other’s eyes and nodded in agreement. It was time.


	21. In which we storm the castle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little cliche . . . but this one is dedicated to my sis. Love ya!

Bucky and I walked hand in hand until we got to the last hallway separating us from the rest of the team. I say ‘walked hand in hand’ but really, we were gripping each other's hands as though we’d never get another opportunity to touch. 

As soon as we entered the hangar, we were both in mission mode. Sam nodded at me and clapped a hand on Bucky’s back as we followed the rest of the team onto the plane. Everyone strapped in, and we were off. 

The plane ride to the drop zone was a somber affair. Each of us were quietly lost in our own thoughts. Chloe seemed to be praying. Gale was practicing her portals. The rest of the team was merely lost in thought. Occasionally, I would feel Bucky’s eyes boring into the side of my head, but I never turned to meet them. Losing focus on a mission was the fastest way to get yourself killed. And boy was he distracting. 

Instead I put all my focus into Bear. He knew enough about me by now that he was the perfect person to practice my abilities on. We had agreed to practice on the 45-minute flight to the HIVE base. He would project an emotion and I would subtly shift my face to match what I was feeling. He would nod slightly if I got it right. 

It became something of a fun little game. I got more right than I did wrong. I was also proud to say that with my focus so wholly on him, I hardly noticed the nerves of the rest of the team. 

The flight hardly seemed to take any time at all. Before I knew it, Sam’s voice was crackling to life inside my ear. 

“Alright team. In two minutes we’ll be over the drop zone. Stick to the plan. Remember, this is an in and out kind of mission. Chloe, Gale, Barnes and I will give the rest of you as much time as we can. But you’ve only got 10 guarantee minutes. Use ‘em wisely.” 

The lights above us pinged on and all of us quickly stood and shuffled to rear hatch. One by one, the team jumped out the open doors and into the dawning daylight below. SHIELD technology could camouflage us from the radar, and from human eyes but we were jumping into the sparse forest nearby the base to further hide our clandestine activities. 

Bear jumped next and I moved into position to follow him. Before I could jump though, Bucky grabbed my wrist. His eyes bored into mine. ‘Be careful’. He seemed to beg. 

I looked into the eyes of a man who’d been through and lost so much. I had no desire to be another name on that list. I reached the hand trapped in his grip up to his chest, and did the bravest thing I’d ever done, I sent a bolt of the love I was beginning to feel for him, right into his chest. His pupils dilated and although I couldn’t be sure over the sound of the wind whipping through the hatch, I thought I heard him gasp. At any rate, he let go of my wrist and without a second thought, I hurled myself from the plane. 

As I spun through the air somewhat haphazardly, trying to right myself, I vaguely wondered at my mental state that I could so easily throw myself from the back of a moving plane, but had been almost paralyzingly scared to admit, even without words, what I was feeling for the Winter Soldier. 

I shrugged as I managed to position myself in a more graceful diving maneuver. There’d be time to ponder my mental well-being after the mission. First the boom-boom, then the psych eval. 

With well-practiced motions, I opened my parachute and floated the last few hundred meters down to the drop zone. Sam and the rest of the team were already shucking their chutes and prepping their gear. 

Bucky landed almost immediately after I had. 

In almost no time at all, we were prepped and ready to go. Sam motioned for us to move out. 

Quickly, but quietly, we moved through the underbrush as we approached the HIVE base. As a unit, we stopped moving right as we reached the edge of the trees. Sam opened up the comm link again. 

“Alright everyone. You know your missions. Sparky, Bear, give us to the count of five before you storm the place. Everyone else, on the count of three.” 

Sam held up his fingers and slowly ticked them off. Bucky shot me one last glance and then he and rest of the team charged through the trees. 

I reached over and placed a hand on Bear’s arm. I sent a questioning feeling through him and received and answering one in return. I held up a fist and counted down from five much like Sam had just done. 

Then we ran like hell. 

Gale was walking slowly forward, popping portal after portal open, before swiping them shut. Her hands were almost a blur of motion. Chloe didn’t hesitate to plunge her hand into each one, oblivious to what exactly was on the other side of each of them. Each time she shoved a hand through the portal, she came into contact with HIVE guards. 

Bucky and Sam trailed behind them, taking out anyone that got too close. Bear and I ran right through the madness, hardly anyone noticing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a fallen HIVE guard reach for his gun and aim it at Bucky’s unsuspecting back. Without hesitation, I pulled my own weapon and shot him. Bucky’s head shot in the guards direction and then back in mine, but there was no time to even shoot him a saucy wink. 

Within seconds, we’d made it to the main doors. Locked. Of course. Bear shot me questioning look. I shook my head and made a fist. Hold on. I lowered my walls and sure enough I felt emotions . . . vague echoing emotions . . . headed right towards us. I threw myself against the outer wall. Bear followed suit. Almost immediately, the door flew open and more guards came pouring out. I grabbed the closing door as Bear took out the guards and then we both ran inside. 

“FRIDAY, map.” I whispered. A glowing blue 3D map appeared on my uniform arm. Man, I loved technology. I scanned through it quickly and then motioned my head in the direction we needed to go. Bear followed without question. We quickly took a few turns, managing to avoid anyone else. Within moments we were at an air vent. Bear handed me his hulking gun, reached down and ripped the metal from its casing. He grunted. 

“It’ll be fine Bear.” I whispered, squatting down and tilting my head from side to side. “In and out. Just like Cap’ said.” 

He grunted again. 

“Nope. I don’t think you’ll fit either.” I said distractedly. “Looks like I’m going alone.” 

“Don’t you dare Sparky!” Called Sam’s voice over the comm’s. 

“Sorry Cap’.” I said, sounding not at all sorry as I smiled over at a very grumpy looking Bear. “The big guy won’t fit. Don’t worry! You wouldn’t have hired me for the team if I couldn’t do easy work like this in my sleep.” 

Sam let out a slew of curse words. “Over and out!” I said cheerfully, pocketing my earpiece. Bear grunted again. 

“Hard to focus with such language in my ear.” I sing-songed, slipping into the vent. “Go help the others. If I’m not back in 9 minutes and 15 seconds, blow the place.” 

Bear grunted. 

“Language!” I called back, already moving quickly through the vents. 

Thanks to my impeccable research before we left, it was easy enough to navigate my way through the maze of ventilation and to the command center of the base. I kept my powers as accessible as I could, without letting them slip all the way through my defenses. It would do no good to get overwhelmed by them before I could finish the mission. 

They were close enough to the surface though, that I knew without a doubt, that there was no one in the ops room. 

Odd. 

I pushed my way through the vent and immediately moved about the room. The screens were all focused on the carnage being wrecked outside. Maybe the rest of the guards had gone to help? 

An uneasy feeling crept over me. I pushed my powers further outside of the room. No one was there. So why did this feel an awful lot like a trap? 

I moved towards the center console, keeping an eye and a seventh sense on things as I did so. I quickly pulled Martin’s drive from inside my uniform and moved to slip it into the drive. Again, a feeling of apprehension snuck over me and I paused. It was a lot stronger that time. My gut was screaming at me that something was wrong. 

I had a brief moment of indecision, but my time limit was quickly approaching. I didn’t have time to piddle around damn it! So, I did the second dumbest thing I’d ever done in my entire life. I pushed aside my instincts and I shoved Martin’s USB into the drive. 

Instantly, the console and surrounding computers lit up like a Christmas tree. It was a pulsating beacon leading all the bad guys right to me. Son of a . . .! 

I fumbled with my earpiece as I moved as quickly as possible to the ops room doors. No point in using the air vents now that everyone knew I was here. 

“What’s going on in there?” Sam was demanding. “Sparky! Talk to me!” 

The panic in his voice and the personal anger and panic I was feeling unleashed something wild inside of me, and without warning, a pulse of power exploded out from me. It rippled through the base and for one agonizing second, I felt every single person in and around the base as it touched each of them individually. I stumbled to a stop as the overwhelming emotions engulfed me wave after wave. There were hundreds of people here. I was so screwed. 

Whatever the hell had just shot out of me, rippled through Bucky last. I felt his panic as brightly as my own when I failed to respond to Sam’s panicked demand for answers. My own sense of sorrow at failing to live up to my own promise (I was going to be another name on that list after all), shocked me back to my senses. 

“It was Mar . . .”


	22. In which you're trapped in your own worst nightmare

I woke up slowly. When did I fall asleep last night? Oof. My head hurt. I tried reaching a hand up to rub my aching noggin, but it barely moved an inch before it was yanked back down. No. 

My eyes flew open. Oh, please no! I looked down and found myself strapped to a metal table. The kind you only see in horror movies or in deepest recesses of my worst memories. 

I struggled against my bonds, my panic rising. I couldn’t do it. Not again. I wouldn’t survive it a second time around. Frankly, I wasn’t entirely sure I’d survived it the first time. Please no. No. NO! 

The panic within me was reaching wild proportions. In the back of my head, I realized that I was probably broadcasting to everyone around me, if not the world. But I didn’t care. I couldn’t reign it in. Not this time. I had to get out! 

I pulled so hard on my arm bindings, I nearly ripped my shoulder out of its socket and still I didn’t stop. I had to get out! I would be okay if I could just free an arm. Just one arm! I could fight with one. Hell, I could probably kill with one! Just one arm! Come ON! 

“Tsk. Tsk.” Called a voice. 

Instantly I froze. My body started trembling uncontrollably. I was panicked before, but pure, unadulterated terror filled me now. 

“Try not to hurt yourself too much sweetling.” 

My blood ran cold. Only one person had ever called me that. In most movies, the bad guys were heavily accented foreigners. It was a superficial way to calm the masses. It was a lot easier to believe that evil from outside your borders could touch to you. It was much more frightening to realize that evil could come from within your home. From someone who could be your neighbor, your family member . . . your friend. Dr. Hector had been none of the above when I’d first been brought to him. But his New York accent cut me to the core regardless. A sense of terror washed through me. I’d never actually been safe, had I? 

“We wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself too much.” 

I leaned my head back against the table and stared up into the bright light above me. Beside my personal spotlight, the rest of the room was dark. And Dr. Hector’s voice echoed around the room. That was one of the games he liked to play. He knew where you were at all times. But you could only guess where he might be. Tears formed in my eyes. No, no, no. 

“It’s been awhile since you last played with us.” He continued. “I see you haven’t let all our work go to waste. Quite the emotional show you just put on for us just now wasn’t it? A little panicked? A little afraid? I can’t imagine why you would be. You know better than most that we take good care of our little pets.” 

I closed my eyes and grit my teeth. I didn’t know exactly what they had in store for me. But I sure as hell wouldn’t let the bastards know how it affected me. With a sudden mental strength that I didn’t know I possessed, I reached out with both metaphorical hands, gripped the fear that was wafting out of me, and yanked it back inside of my soul. Instantly, the panic and terror I felt quadrupled. I bit my lip hard to keep from crying out. I was surprised at how painful so much emotion bottled up inside of me was. It was like trying to keep a lid on a volcano about to blow. A tear slipped down the side of my face. 

“We wanted to wait, sweetling. To welcome you back properly. But I’m afraid science waits for no man. And it’s very curious about you.” Finally, Dr. Hector stepped into the light. Accompanying him were no less than five other people wearing bloodthirsty expressions and carrying various instruments of torture. The panic and pain welled inside. I felt blood running down my palm as my fingernails dug into my skin forcefully. My heart was galloping so quickly I felt like it was about to explode out of my chest. 

Against the sound of a whimper threatening to break free, I bit my lip harder and tasted the iron taste of blood on my lips. The pain was quickly overtaking the panic I was feeling. I needed to release it. I couldn’t hold it! But I’d rather die than give the bastards the satisfaction of feeling my fear. 

Dr. Hector took another threatening step towards me and held up a single scalpel in his bloodstained hands. “Let’s see if you can still heal as fast as you used to sweetling. I have a hypothesis that you might even heal faster.” 

In slow motion, one of his hands moved towards the neckline of my bloody uniform. No! No! NO! 

Suddenly, I lost the grip on the tight reigns I had on my emotions. They fairly exploded out of me, just like at the base. Unlike at the base, however, the emotions didn’t just explode out of me, rippling through everything in their path. This time they exploded out of me with such force, all the psychotic HYDRA scientists were picked up and thrown across the room. They hit the walls with such force, that with my senses still as heightened as they were, I felt most of them die on impact. 

I laid frozen on the table for only a moment before I realized the explosion had loosened the binds on one of my arms. Shakily, I pulled my arm free before quickly, if awkwardly, moving to my other arm and my legs. Within minutes, I had freed myself from the table and backed away. My back ran into a table full of torture instruments and I blindly grabbed a few, tucking them into my uniform as well as my shaking hands would allow. Then I moved toward the bodies of the two scientists who hadn’t died. Dr. Hector was lying still. His eyes staring up at me with something akin to awe in them. His neck was bent at an awkward angle. Not dead. Not yet. As I neared him, his body seemed to scoot further across the floor, and he let out a strangled gurgle of pain. I tried reaching for him again. Again, he seemed to be pushed away by an outside force. 

I looked around me in awe. Pure power radiated from me, forming a protective barrier of solid emotion around me. I was untouchable. 

For the first time since I’d woken up, I felt a little of my usual gusto fall back into place. I was going to be okay. 

A frown marred my face. Dr. Hector would never be able to touch me again. But with my shield up, I couldn’t exactly touch him either. And there was more than one thing I wanted to do to him. 

First thing first though, I had to get out of here. The rest of the team was who knew where. I had to get to them and warn them. 

“I think I’ll leave you hear.” I croaked. My voice felt raw. “HYDRA does like it’s experiments. I’m sure they’ll love taking you apart and putting you back together again. Who knows? Maybe they’ll figure out what I did to you.” I shot one last glare in the doc’s direction. His eyes were no longer filled with such awe. Fear filled them instead. I grunted as I breathed it in unwillingly. Good. Let him suffer like he’d caused so many others to. I sent one last hate filled glare towards him and moved on shaky legs towards the only door in the room. 

Never again, I promised myself. 

I moved quickly through the facility. It didn’t take long to realize that I wasn’t at the HIVE base, if it had even been one, anymore. This seemed to be a HYDRA safehouse of sorts. Maybe one built just for me. It certainly seemed like there wasn’t much more in it than a central control room, my lovely suite, and a few offices scattered about. Besides the room full of bodies I’d just left, there didn’t even seem to be any guards around. That didn’t surprise me this time though. Guards tended to draw attention. And from what I could see from the few windows I’d stumbled across, we were in the city. No doubt they had been certain that five scientists and however many other people had been in the room when I’d exploded, could keep an eye on one single SHIELD agent. I smiled grimly. Obviously not. 

I slipped into the control room and hacked my way through their systems. I couldn’t risk sending the information back to SHIELD. For all I knew, Martin and Gabe were HYDRA and working together. Martin was sure to have access to all things computer. I couldn’t risk it. But I also didn’t have a way to download the information here either. So, I left myself a backdoor that I could find my way back to later. It was all I could do for now. 

I quickly erased any evidence I’d been there and slipped through the doors and into the smoggy air of the city. 

I moved like Nat had taught me, like a shadow, through the streets. I kept my arms folded, and my head down, concentrating on each step. Once I’d escaped the HYDRA base, my magical shield had faded away. It had been for the best. I would have called too much attention to myself if it had shoved everyone away in my path. But as soon as it had faded, I felt weak. The pain in my head had increased until there was a throbbing pain burning right behind my eyes. It was so intense I could barely see a few feet in front of me. 

Completely on autopilot, I stole a jacket from off a bench there, and a hat from a tourist stand there. I completely wrapped myself up in my stolen paraphernalia and kept focusing on just putting one step in front of another. Have to get to the tower. Have to warn the others. Have to stop Martin. It was a mantra. 

The streets faded into a blur. Time did too. I wasn’t sure how long it took before I found myself in front of SHIELD tower’s doors. I stood frozen on the spot, staring at them, the mantra playing on an unending loop in my head. Have to get to the tower. Have to warn the others. Have to stop Martin. 

Have to get to the tower, have to warn the others, have to stop Martin. 

The pounding in my head got stronger and seemed to keep beat with the mantra. I fell to my knees. Have. To. Stop. Martin. 

My eyesight blurred and went black entirely. Have. To. Warn. The. Others.


	23. In which you meet the villain

My eyes flew open, and I quickly moved into a defensive stance. My heart was pounding. It took me a moment to place myself and my surroundings. I wish I hadn’t. 

I was in a dark room. A single lightbulb flickered annoyingly above my head. Enough of the feeble light touched the walls and I recognized them as belonging to one of the holding-cell walls in the ‘dungeon’ of SHIELD. Of course, no one liked it when I called it that. But a dungeon is a dungeon. And sadly, I was in it. 

“Martin.” I cursed, under my breath. 

“No need for that tone.” Came a voice overhead, I whirled, looking for the source. A speaker was mounted to the wall above the door. I didn’t try the door. It would be locked. The camera next to the speaker blinked lazily. 

“Martin, old buddy, old pal.” I faked a cheery tone of voice as my eyes casually wandered around the room looking for anything to give me an advantage. I didn’t like being seen. A spy did their best work went they weren’t seen, surprisingly enough, and having a literal spotlight shining down on me wasn’t soothing any of my frazzled nerves. 

“You know where you are?” Martin’s voice asked. 

“Of course.” 

“You’ve spent a lot of time in the cells here have you?” There seemed to be some strange sense of glee in Martin’s voice. 

I scoffed. “Obviously. I’ve always been a bit of a troublemaker. Isn’t that why you’ve locked me in here? I was causing quite a bit of trouble for you I suspect.” 

A snarl ripped through the speakers which cut off abruptly. I sat casually on the table, facing the camera and pushed my arms back behind me as though leaning on them. Slowly, oh so very slowly, I reached a back and started fiddling with the hidden pocket on my back. If I hadn’t been searched before being thrown down here, there was an electromagnet hidden in there and I could at least take out the camera. Hopefully that would drag Martin down here at least. 

“You still there, Martin? I don’t suppose you’ll tell me exactly why I’ve been put in time out? I promise I’ll be better behaved.” 

Rule number four of spying. When caught, goad the bad guy into monologuing. 

There was a lengthy pause and then the speaker crackled back to life. “Do you know who I am?” Martin’s voice had taken an odd tone. His voice sounded almost like the people on my grandfather's old records. Fuzzy. Distorted. A relic of the past. A sense of foreboding overtook me. I squashed it down. 

“Of course I do. You’re a pain in my . . .” 

“Does the name Martin Li mean anything to you?” He cut me off. 

I pretended to think a minute. There! My fingers brushed the electromagnet. “Nope. Can’t say that it does. Is he a criminal psychopath as well?” 

“HE IS ME!” Martin yelled so loudly, I winced as my ears threatened to burst. 

I nodded cautiously. “Sure. Sure.” I gripped the magnet tightly with my fingers and pulled it free of the pocket. 

The speaker let out a string of curse words before abruptly clicking off again. Here was my chance. 

I sprung off the table and threw the electromagnet as hard as I could at the face of the camera. I didn’t have the control switch so I couldn’t deactivate the camera itself, but the magnet was hard enough that the lens shattered as it made contact. 

As soon as I saw the damage, I threw myself into the farthest corner of the room where the most shadows were. Safely ensconced in the shadows, I let out a relieved breath. I quickly patted myself down, but all my good weapons had been taken after Martin betrayed us at the HIVE headquarters. With a pang of regret, I realized that meant I’d also lost the knife Bucky had given me. I gave myself a mental slap. Stop the bad guy now, fawn over knives and the men who wielded them later. Unfortunately, I’d also managed to lose the few torture instruments I’d stolen when I’d escaped Hector. Not good. 

Across the room, a single light flared up and then faded immediately. Before it flickered out though, I saw the shadows themselves begin to take shape and move. My muscles tensed instinctively. Smug satisfaction flowed through me. It wasn’t mine. 

“For someone so consistently falling into trouble, you haven’t learned much have you?” Martin spit. Something was wrong. His voice was clearly coming from across the room now. But it still sounded like he was speaking through an antique speaker. The sense of foreboding I was still squashing inside of my chest, began to struggle in earnest. 

“Well let’s see how well you do this time.” Martin stepped into the light. I gasped. 

Martin looked like a 3D photographic negative. Where the natural shadows the light caused should have been, a flat white was painted. Everywhere else was colored an eerie blueish-black. Except his eyes. His eyes were just dark, bottomless pits that seemed to suck in all the color around him. He was the most terrifying thing I had ever seen. And then he smiled. 

The smile crept up the sides of his face like something right out of Wonderland. It grew too large for his oddly shadowed face, and he leaned towards me as though he could see exactly where I was. 

In the back of my mind, my foreboding had grown into a slight panic. His emotions were pouring into me, tearing at my soul. There wasn’t a shadow of doubt in my mind that he was going to kill me. I took a deep breath and did the only thing I could do. I stepped into the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! Martin Li is an actual Marvel Villain who appears in Spiderman comic books. His name is Mr. Negative. He has a much more interesting backstory in the comic books. I'd recommend you check it out.
> 
> My story has gone through a number of changes since I first planned it out about a month ago. Originally, Martin wasn't going to be a very prominent character at all. But he kind of wrote himself into the story in a bigger way. By the time I realized he was going to be a more important villain after all, I'd already published a good chunk of the story.
> 
> I literally googled "Marvel Martin Villain" and Mr. Negative was the first and only one who popped up. Reading through his backstory, his powers and personality fit too well with what I'd already written and what I had roughly planned moving forward not to add him into the story- but I did have to change a few aspects to make it work with what I'd already written.
> 
> Still though - he was a fun villain character to research up on and get to know. It was especially fun to see how the story has evolved even without my help. 
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed it so far! We only have a few chapters left :)


	24. In which we get our trope-ical monologue

I clapped slowly and mock-bowed. “Oh bravo. Bravo. Very scary.” I said sarcastically, beautifully hiding the fear clawing at me for release. The panic inside me grew as I stepped even closer to him. I couldn’t tell if his evil intentions were feeding my rising panic, or if it was my own internal senses. It didn’t really matter. Briefly, I felt something tugging on my seventh sense. My eyes widened fractionally. My shield! From before! Could I use it again? 

Martin scowled. It looked more natural in his odd negative coloring than his smile did. “You never did like doing what you were told.” He muttered. I opened my mouth to ask what that had meant but quickly shut it when I felt a strange feeling probing at my head. It was almost like someone was poking me. The feeling persisted for only a moment longer before my annoyance surged within me and a small shield formed around me, pushing away the invisible force. 

Martin’s mouth opened in shock. It was almost amusing. He pushed forward. The shield pushed back hard enough that he stumbled a little. I didn’t wait a second longer. I didn’t know how I was doing what I was doing, or how long it would last. I had to push my advantage. 

Martin’s black pits of despair widened slightly in surprise as he was literally bowled over in my charge. I didn’t spare him a second thought. Instead, I remembered how much damage had been done to bones and bodies back in Hector’s lab and I ran full sprint at the wall next to the door, desperately hoping I wasn’t about to knock myself out. The cells were fairly reinforced after all, but hopefully the empty wall was less so. What other choice did I have? 

When I was just a foot away from the wall, I closed my eyes shut and prayed to the heavens that my crazy spur-of-the-moment plan would work. 

Thankfully, and to my complete surprise, it did. 

I spun quickly to see a me shaped hole in the wall before spinning again and charging down the hall. I didn’t get far. 

Before I knew it, a portal appeared out of thin air before me and Gale stepped through. Her expression was entirely blank, but she raised her hands and a portal appeared underneath me. I barely jumped out of the way in time, but a portal was waiting for me there as well. I fell through it and landed with a painful thud at Martin’s feet. 

Another portal appeared by Martin’s side and Gale stepped through, calm and collected. Her face still entirely blank. 

Martin leaned over and gave her a sickening kiss on the top of her head. Then pet her hair as though she were a dog. 

“Well done, my pet.” He was staring at me with unbridled loathing. 

I would have pretended to vomit if I hadn’t still been trying to catch my breath. My shield fluctuated around me growing unstable. I didn’t think I could hold it much longer. 

Sure enough, within seconds it fizzled and faded, leaving me suddenly spent on the floor in the holding cell. Martin’s Cheshire Cat smile returned. 

“Finally.” He said, reaching down and yanking me up. He threw me into one of the interrogation chairs and took the other side. “Let’s have a little chat, shall we?” 

“Lets.” I gasped as I folded my arms and leaned back casually. “What did you do to Gale?” 

He shook his finger. “Uh-uh. I go first.” 

“You’ve picked up a new trick or two since the last time I saw you.” 

I shrugged my shoulders. “And I don’t suppose you’d like to share when that was?” 

Martin mimicked my pose and folded his arms, his creepy smile growing larger on his face. “Let’s just say we ran in very similar circles for about a year.” 

My expression froze on my face, and my tapping fingers stilled on my arms. There was no mistaking his implication. He’d been at HYDRA. 

Martin tapped his head and grinned at me evilly. “Starting to remember . . . sweetling?” 

My blood ran cold. 

Suddenly Martin’s hands slammed on the table. “You remember me now? How you screwed me?!” 

I took in the manic feeling in the room and set the legs of my chair back on the ground, mentally preparing for a fight. I glanced at Gale who was still standing in the corner of the room where Martin had left her. There would be no help from that end. Very slowly, I shook my head and looked back at the man . . . if I could even call him that . . . leaning in front of me. 

He snarled and slammed his hands against the metal table again. A net of electricity escaped his fingers and jumped across the surface of the table. I eyed it wearily. 

Suddenly, Martin was beside me. He wrenched my chin and forced me to look him in the eye. 

“You left me there, you bitch. You left all of us there. The precious Avengers came for you and left the rest of us to rot. 

“Only we didn’t rot. Did we? No. HYDRA sent more goons to find those of us that survived the destruction and we were carted away and experimented on again and again. 

“Not all of it was bad. HYDRA did one thing right at least. They gave me these powers.” Electricity slid down his fingers and shocked me. I flinched. “They gave me all these powers.” He raised his free hand and summoned Gale to his side. She obeyed without question. Mind control. 

Martin turned back to face me again. “You left us there to die, but we grew stronger. Gale was there too. Did you know that? She might be the most powerful of us all. But I learned that great power doesn’t always mean a great mind. She’s been so easy to control. So willing to do what she’s told. She’s the perfect companion.” 

Martin’s eyes narrowed at me. “But you would have us all dead at your feet.” 

I forced my mouth open despite the painful grip he had on my chin. “You seem awfully sure of that . . . Mr. Negative.” 

Martin leaned down until our noses were almost touching. “Want to see the world burn Y/N? I can make that happen.” 

With that, Martin jerked his head in Gales direction, and the three of us fell through another portal.


	25. In which the reunion is bittersweet

Martin’s grip lessened and I wrenched my jaw away from his fingers. I rubbed my bruised cheeks as he gestured grandly around him. The whole team, noticeable missing Gabe, were strapped to chairs. Their arms were tied forcefully behind their backs. They all appeared unconscious. My eyes flew to Bucky’s still form. It took everything I had not to run straight for him. I swallowed heavily and gently stretched my powers out. Never before had I been so grateful for the hell HYDRA had put me through. Without them, I wouldn’t have been able to touch Bucky’s mind. He was unconscious. But alive. Alright. I could work with that. 

Just as I was about to pull my touch from his mind, I felt him stir. Shock. Anger. He knew immediately the situation he was in. 

I felt it the moment he realized I was there. He stilled immediately and took in my horror. He started to fumble with his bonds, almost desperate to get to me. I sent a jolt of cautionary panic and he stilled. Distract. Distract. I had to distract Martin so Bucky could get loose and free the others. 

Bucky's emotions went haywire as he put together the pieces of what I was doing. 

You know, maybe I was also a mind reader. I could practically hear him screaming at me not to do what I was about to do. I sent a jolt of the love I had for him coursing through his body. Then, I pulled away, a touch of regret passing through me to him. 

I had no weapons. I had no plan. I didn’t even have the high ground. Really, when one finds oneself in that kind of situation, one really has only one option. 

“Hey Mr. Negative.” I taunted, drawing Martin’s attention to me. I immediately pulled back a fist and threw it into his face. His head snapped back with a satisfying crack. Without waiting, I dropped low and swept my foot out in front of me, knocking him off balance. He crashed to the floor. The negative coloring flickered briefly and for a moment he looked like a real human being again. Then the darkness surged forward again, and rage thickly covered him. 

He held out his palm and the shadows in the room seemed to converge into his hand. I braced myself to duck and roll, desperately trying to call on my shield, but I was too focused on staying alive to figure out the fickle power. 

Martin threw his ball of shadows. I ducked and rolled, popping up a little way to the left. But the shadows defied the laws of physics. Just as I popped up, they slammed into my chest. Electricity coursed through my veins and I cried out in pain. My muscles seized and spasmed like I’d been tazed. I fell to the floor. The sudden motion dispersed the shadows back into the crevices from which they’d been called. I gulped in large lungful's of air, desperately trying to catch my breath and stood up as quickly as I could. Just over Martin’s shoulder, I saw Bucky staring at me with a look of pure horror on his face as he desperately struggled against his bonds. Martin was already forming another ball of darkness in his hands. 

I didn’t think, I just turned and rushed towards the door. I wasn’t a fool. I knew my chances were slim to none. I didn’t think I could survive many more of those darkness-balls. I swear I’d felt my heart stop. But I could draw him far enough from the others that Bucky could save them. They stood a better chance of defeating him together. I just had to buy them time. 

A portal formed directly in front of me and I swerved around it. Gale was throwing portals so fast, I didn’t have time to think about it as I avoided them, ducking, diving and jumping out of pure instinct. But it had been a long day and I was already so tired. 

I heard Gale let out a scream behind me and suddenly a portal too big to avoid slammed in front of me. My eyes closed instinctively as I unavoidably crossed the threshold. In the split second before I once again fell from a portal to land at Martin’s feet, I thought of Nat. She had trained me. Raised me. She’d been my hero. A small smile landed on my face. Following in her footsteps till the end. 

My back slammed into the ground, all my breath leaving my body in a loud whoosh. Without preamble, Martin fell to one knee and slammed the black orb already in his hand right, into my chest. The pain was so intense, blackness began to creep over my vision. This was it. This was how I died. 

A slick wetness coated my lips with an iron taste. With my fading consciousness, I reached out with everything I had left and felt for Bucky. My dying mind touched his and his absolute soul-engulfing pure panic morphed into a burning rage so bright I had to close my eyes. A roar so loud it rattled the floor pressed against my back, shook the room. 

Just as suddenly as the roar started, it cut off. At the same time, the pain fled my body. My eyes flew open just in time to see Martin sail through the air above me. I struggled to prop myself, but my body wouldn’t move. 

Bucky’s face appeared above me. “It’s okay Y/N.” He whispered, leaning his forehead down to touch mine. “It’ll be okay.” 

Around us, war cries echoed, and I watched hazily as the rest of the team ran forward to attack Martin head-on. 

Bucky pulled me into a seated position, and I struggled to stand. He tried to keep me down, but I sent a jolt of determination through him. I had to help. I had to save them. 

Sam, Chloe and Jackie charged towards Martin, but not even Jackie was fast enough to avoid all of Gale’s portals. Soon, they were everywhere, redirecting everyone away from Martin and disorienting everyone else in the process. I watched as Jackie was redirected through a portal and directly into Chloe. Her hands fell on his shoulders as they fell. Immediately, his eyes rolled back into his head and his face lost all color. He let out a blood curling shriek as the hallucination took over. 

Then a portal opened under Chloe and she fell through the ceiling and landed on Bear, causing the same effect. Meanwhile, Martin was at the edge of the room, a ball of shadows much larger than either of the ones he’d thrown at me filled his hands. He was glaring pure murderous rage in my direction. 

Bucky stepped in front of me protectively. Martin’s smile turned Chesire, and he flung the ball towards Bucky’s chest. 

“Noooo!!!” I screamed. The panic I felt in that moment, watching the ball of darkness fly through the air towards the man I’d fallen so completely in love with was stronger than any sense of panic I’d ever felt on behalf of myself. More than the panic I’d felt in Hector’s presence. More than the panic that I’d felt when I’d first been captured by HYDRA when I was fourteen. I couldn’t help it. My shield exploded outward. It engulfed everyone in the room. The ball of darkness hit the shield and ricocheted off. I noticed numbly as one more portal appeared in front of its trajectory and reopened right in front of Martin. The shadows engulfed him, and he screamed, his colors flickering between normal and negative rapidly before finally, he fell to the ground and was silent. 

The blackness creeping over my own vision consumed me not a moment later. “Y/N!” called Bucky, panicked. I felt his arms wrap around me before I hit the ground and then there was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have to say . . . I really love this chapter. But! The next chapter has enough fluff to drown some sorrows in. ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading you guys! Have a beautiful day.


	26. In which the REAL reunion happens

“How is she?” A voice asked. Sam? 

“She’s breathing.” A huskier voice responded angrily. Bucky. My heart sighed. He was safe. 

Silence echoed around the room briefly. “She’s going to be okay Barnes.” Sam whispered. 

Anger. Frustration. “You can’t know that.” Bucky spit. “We don’t even know what happened to her before. At HIVE. Something had to have happened. She didn’t have that . . . shield power before.” Bucky’s voice dropped and a wave of desperation and despair hit me. His voice was barely a whisper when he spoke again. 

“She said goodbye.” 

“What are you talking about Buck?” 

I felt a rough hand reach out and run down my arm. “With her powers. Before she attacked Matthews. She said goodbye. She knew she was going to die.” 

I felt a twinge of remorse. I didn’t regret my actions. I knew that they had ultimately saved everyone. But I hated adding to the pile of heartbreak that made up my Bucky Barnes. 

I pulled against whatever was keeping me down. Willing my body to respond. To do anything to let Bucky know that I hadn’t left him too. 

“But she didn’t die.” Sam was saying. “She’s still here. She survived. We all did. Thanks to her.” 

Bucky didn’t say anything. I felt him lift him hand and lean his forehead against it as he gripped it tightly in his own. Touching him as I was, I felt it when Sam patted him on the back. 

“She’s a survivor Barnes.” He whispered. “You both are. Don’t give up on her just yet. There’s a reason I call her Sparky, you know. She’s got too much of a spark of life in her to just give up. Especially when the cards are down. Just give her time.” 

I heard Sam’s footsteps leave the room and suddenly it was just Bucky and me. I pushed and shoved and begged my body to respond. 

Suddenly I felt a wetness against my hand and Bucky let out a shuddering breath. “Please. Please come back to me doll.” He pleaded. I felt one of his hands reach out and smooth away the hair around my face. “You can’t leave me now. We just found each other.” 

I strained against the darkness that was trying to pull me under again. I’d been taken away from him once already. I would NOT let it happen again. My body refused to respond to my commands. Fine. I had other ways. I reached down deep inside and I pulled every memory of every stolen moment I’d had with the stoic soldier who’d wormed his way inside my heart. I relieved every caress, every smile, every sense of love I’d ever felt, and I willed it from my heart into my fingers and through to him. 

He jolted. “Y/N?” He breathed, clutching my fingers tighter to his chest. “Baby, wake up. Open your eyes for me.” 

I sent another wave of love through him. “Please baby. Come on.” I felt him shift and suddenly I felt feathery light kisses on my eyelids, my cheeks, my forehead. “I need to see your eyes doll. Come on.” 

Suddenly the darkness within me snapped and I finally felt in control of my own body again. I smiled quietly and slowly blinked my eyes open. Bucky’s face was only inches from mine. 

My smile fell from my face. Dark bags lined his eyes. He seemed to have aged rapidly since the last time I’d seen him. I reached a shaky hand up and brushed the lines of stress and strain in his face. His eyes fluttered shut under my ministrations and he leaned more heavily into my hand. 

“You look like hell.” I croaked. 

His eyes flew open and he sat heavily in the chair beside my bed in shock. “I look like hell?” He demanded, incredulously. I noticed he hadn’t let my hand go yet. I nodded seriously. 

He let out a chuckling sort of breath. “Doll you haven’t looked in a mirror yet.” 

I tried sitting up to argue but found that I didn’t quite have the strength. I fell back against the pillows. Bucky’s teasing grin was instantly replaced with one full of worry and he dropped my hand and stood quickly as if to call for help. 

I reached out a hand to stop him. “I’m okay.” I whispered. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. I just wanted to be with him. 

He hesitated but took my proffered hand in his and kissed it as he sat back down. 

We looked at each other silently for a moment. His fingers traced random designs across my knuckles as he watched me. Slowly, the weight on his shoulders seemed to lift. 

“I think we should have that talk now.” He said eventually. 

I laughed. “Sure. Where else would I go?” I asked, gesturing at the various medical equipment I seemed to be hooked to. A darkness seemed to pass over his face. 

“Hey, hey. None of that.” I ordered quietly, squeezing his hand. “It all worked out.” 

Bucky shook his head. “Pure, dumb, luck doll.” 

“What happened . . . you know . . . after . . .?” 

“After you nearly died?” Bucky asked stiffly. I picked at the blanket covering my legs and nodded. I couldn’t bear to see the look of censure in his eyes. I hated what I’d put him through; but I would do it again in a heartbeat. 

Bucky sighed and rested his forehead against our joined hands again. “Whatever shield you put around us, cut Gale off from Martin’s control for just long enough she was able to use her powers to hit him with his own. He’s in a holding cell for now. Hill’s taking him into custody. She’s got a few Inhumans on her side who are immune to Martin’s mind control. The rest of his powers, your newfangled technology can take care of.” 

I chuckled at his use of ‘newfangled’. “In case you haven’t noticed Big Six, it’s your newfangled technology now too.” 

His head rose and his eyes met mine. Hope shined out of them. “Speaking of . . .” He started, his grip on my hands tightening. “. . . the talk?” 

I smiled at him and nodded. 

He took a deep breath. His hand reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair back behind my ear. His touch sent tingles through my skin and I let out a breathy sigh. His small smile quirked up at the sides. 

“We haven’t known each other very long.” He started. I shook my head. “But I feel like I’ve known you all my life.” 

He looked at me as if to gauge my reaction. I smiled in encouragement. I felt the same way. 

“I want to court you doll.” He blurted out suddenly. The smile froze on my face. He looked at me nervously and cleared his throat. “That is . . . I mean . . .” 

I started laughing. I tried to cover it. Really, I did. But it was too much and soon I was guffawing loudly. Bucky watched me as though he didn’t know whether to feel offended or amused. By the hint of his feelings, it was a little of both. 

I wiped my eyes as I slowly calmed down. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I chuckled, squeezing his hand tightly. “James Buchanan Barnes . . . I think we’re a little past ‘courting’ at this point, don’t you?” 

I sent a jolt of pure love through him and felt his love echo through me in turn. Game, set, match. If I’d had a mic, I would have dropped it. By the smile lighting up his face, he seemed to know it too. 

“Well then . . .” He said, leaning down. 

His lips moved slowly across my face, once again pressing feathery light kisses to my face. My forehead. My cheeks. My nose. He pulled away slightly and looked at me with so much love and adoration, I couldn’t stand it. 

I threw my arms around his neck, and pulled his lips against mine, attacking his lips as if I were attacking an enemy. Passionately, and with complete focus. 

We’d both lost so much in this world. But we’d found each other, and I was never letting him go again. By the way, he wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me flush against his chest, he felt the same way. 

I was finally home.


	27. Epilogue (In which the story ends)

“Come on Big guy!” I called into my comm, as I headed for the back of the airplane. “It’ll be fun!” 

Bear grunted. 

“Yes, I remember what happened the last time I jumped out of an airplane. That’s what makes this time so great! It can’t get worse than the last time. Only better!” 

Bear grunted again. I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care what Bucky says. We may be ‘promised’ to each other but that’s it. He’s still his own person. I’m still mine. And if I want to free fall out of a moving airplane I’m damn well going to free fall out of a moving airplane.” 

Bear grunted and raised his shoulders up in the air as if to say; ‘it’s your funeral’. I didn’t appreciate it. 

I strapped my earpiece in and flashed Bear a thumbs up as the overhead lights flashed on signaling our approach. I was practically jumping in anticipation. The hatch lowered slowly. The second the lights flashed again, I threw myself out of the doors and began my free fall. 

Nothing beat the rush of the wind in my hair. 

“Y/N.” A smooth voice said calmly into my ear. My heart skipped a beat. I preferred to think it did out of my unending love for the smooth-talking soldier and not because I was beginning to think that maybe Bear had a point. 

“What’s up Big Six?” It’s surprisingly hard to form complete sentences falling through the skies at terminal velocity. 

“Where are you?” 

“Uhhhhh . . .” 

“Because based on what FRIDAY’s saying, you seem to be falling through the skies. Without a parachute on.” 

I made the wise decision to stay completely silent. 

Bucky, who had up to this point remained eerily calm, let out a string of curse words. “Gale!” He shouted, so loudly I was sure I was going to be deaf in that ear. 

Suddenly a portal opened above me and Bucky jumped through it, falling beside me. He quickly reached out to me and pulled me in tightly to his chest before pulling the ripcord. 

My breath left in a whoosh as the parachute unfurled and jerked us into a much more controlled fall. It was only then that I looked up into the eyes of the scowling man before me. 

“Miss me?” I asked breathlessly. He glared at me, but his arms tightened around me reflexively. He missed me. 

“What were you doing?” He gritted out. 

I smiled up at him innocently. “We were testing out Gale’s powers. You know she’s been working on them since we got Martin out of her brain. She’s a lot more powerful than he ever let her be.” 

Bucky’s eyes narrowed even further. “And you had to jump out of a plane to do that?” 

I shrugged nonchalantly and reached my arms up and around his neck. “I figured it would be good motivation for one of us.” 

Bucky’s eyebrow arched, demanding an explanation. “Either she got her powers to work and portaled me safely home, or my powers would kick in and shield me from going splat.” 

Bucky leaned his head up to look at the heavens. He swallowed hard. “You haven’t been able to make a physical shield since you defeated Martin.” He said slowly. 

I nodded just as slowly. 

“That was months ago!” He yelled, bringing his wild eyes back down to meet mine. 

“That’s why I figured I needed proper motivation!” I said excitedly, reaching up a hand to touch his cheek, trying to stealthily sway his emotions to my side. 

He growled. I sighed and dropped my hand. He’d been getting better at noticing that little trick. It’d been fun while it had lasted though. 

“What am I going to do with you?” He whispered into my hair. 

I smiled against his chest. “Keep me of course. You’d be so bored without me.” 

His arms flexed around me. “I’d also have fewer grey hairs.” 

I pulled my head back and brushed a hand through his hair. “Well people say you should look your age.” I laughed. 

“I think the saying is ‘act your age’.” He leaned his head down and planted a firm kiss to my lips. 

“No more jumping out of planes without parachutes on.” He said, pulling away. 

I pulled him closer to me. “Why not? I think the plan worked flawlessly.” I smiled mischievously and pulled him in for another kiss. It was hard to get time alone with him since we’d ended the HYDRA threat. So naturally, I’d taken to scheming. I smiled against his shocked lips before I began moving my lips fiercely against his own. It didn’t take long for him to join in. And I had to say, falling slowly back down to earth in the arms of my solider wasn’t the worst way to spend a Tuesday afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over! That's a little bit sad.
> 
> Thank you for reading along with me and for all the kudos and comments!
> 
> I've wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember . . . but I've always been a little too scared to do anything about it. This was pretty far out of my comfort zone, but it's been a great experience.
> 
> You'll notice that there are some plot holes I never quite fixed like 'what happened to Gabe' or 'what happened to the HYDRA threat in SHIELD'.
> 
> I have a few ideas for a sequel that I'm workshopping that will hopefully answer those questions.
> 
> In the meantime, I'm giving Reader and Bucky a little bit of a break. I've decided to keep writing though, so! If you've enjoyed this and would like to continue reading my works; I've started a new story. It's called 'Ghostly Guardian' and it's going to be a Reader/Loki fic. I highly recommend it ;) . I've published the first chapter today.
> 
> The link if you are interested is; https://archiveofourown.org/works/20551595/chapters/48783995
> 
> Have a beautiful day!


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